My First Time- Living with My Boyfriend~NappyNikki Vlogs

I recorded this video about a week or so ago. I hope you guys enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vR42BQONg9M

To you, my soulmate.

To you, my soulmate..

You

You don't flatter me.

You compliment me.

You don't spend money on me.

You invest in me.

You don't view me as property.

You view me properly.

You don't lust after me.

You love me.

You don't think you're God's gift to me.

You think I'm God's gift to you.

God Given Love

I have spent the better part of the last 3 years evaluating things and learning more about myself and what I want in life. Not specifically professionally, more so personally and spiritually. I have only been in one serious relationship, which was during my teenage years, and after that breakup I really wanted to make sure that the next person I let get that close to me was God sent. Now, if you aren't a spiritual person you may not understand what I mean by that, but just bear with me and I will try to explain it for you.

I felt that when I was dating I wasn't consulting to God about the men that I had chosen. I was in college and felt that I had to try different types of people and see what my interest was. I went through the thugs, preps, sporty, super religious, non religious, pretty boys, frats and all other different characters. Now, I never made any of those guys my boyfriend, they were merely potentials. The issue that came up was that I didn't know who Nikki was. I didn't know what I wanted in a relationship or even what to expect. I had always compared every new guy with he previous one and eventually fell on my face every time. So after college I decided that I wouldn't get into any serious relationships until I did some serious soul-searching. That lasted for about a year and I was ready to dip back into the dating scene. Then I hit a wall last year.

I was living and working in DC at the time. Had a few potential guys here and there, some good and some very bad. I even tried online dating for the first time. After a couple of crazies, being stood up (3 times) and booty calls, I began to get discouraged. I thought that I would never meet the right guy. I mean I was wreck last year. Guy after guy I was being disappointed. It felt like I was taking a thousand steps backwards. If you ask my cousin, the one person who really knew details, she would say that I was a mess. At that time I thought it was going to be impossible for me to be loved. Sounds depressing but that's how I felt.

Fast forward to a year later aka present day.

I am living and working in NY. This is something that I have wanted all my life. I worked very hard to get here and I am very proud of myself. My confidence level is high, I am secure within myself and I have no doubt of where I want my future to go. I met a few guys and went out on a couple of dates but nothing seemed to catch my attention long enough to remember their names. Eventually I stopped actively looking for men and just laid back. However, this doesn't mean that I would turn down a cutie or two. lol Anyway, so I am at work and I need to contact a coworker at another campus, one that I had left the previous day. I sent this coworker an IM requesting some work related information. After a few minutes I realized that I was taking pictures of this guy yesterday and never knew his name. (Well, he never formally introduced himself to me.) I got the information that I wanted and then I figured I would keep talking to him since I was new at the time. I can be a very sociable person, so it's very easy for me to start a conversation with someone. I continued to ask questions about him and where he was from. You know the general questions you ask someone to get to know them. I had no intentions of this conversation going any further than normal coworker chit-chat. However, after a two days of questions he asked me for my number. (Which I claim to be the action of who asked who out first, lol.) I of course interested in him by now gave him my number and we continued our conversation outside of work. That was a Wednesday, that Friday was the weekend of my birthday and I actually had a date that night. (Which turned out to be a dead-end.) We talked all that weekend, finding out that we had a lot of similar interests, spiritual wants, common present day and future desires.

That Monday morning at work we talked as just like we did the days before. Around noon he sent me a message asking me if I wanted to go out on a date. I was totally not prepared to go out on a date. I had work clothes on my hair wasn't what I would've wanted it to be and I had on no makeup. But for some reason I was really intrigued by this guy. So, I said yes. We met up after work in Grand Central station and immediately I noticed that he was really handsome and tall, both being a major plus. We started to walk towards Time Square to catch a movie, I unfortunately got us lost and we ended up at Red Lobster having dinner. Our conversation ranged from college days, religion, past relationships, food, music and much more. You name it we talked about it. It was such a relaxing and carefree date. It was also my first successful dates in a very long time. And by successful I mean that I didn't get stood up.

After the date we walked over to Bryant Park, which was lit by moonlight and tree lights. We walked, talked and shared more about ourselves. One thing led to another and he plants this very sweet, strong but soft kiss on me. A kiss that let's you know that he had a great time and plans on seeing you again. Needless to say its been almost 6 months and we have been together everyday since.

The point of my story is that you never know who God has out there for you. I had no clue that a small conversation with a coworker would lead to the blessings I have right now. We both had prayed for each other and never even knew the person we were looking for was right under our nose. God truly made all this happen in the way he wanted it. As humans, specifically Christians, we can sometimes forget who the real boss is and try to plan our life for ourselves. In this case, I have stepped aside and let God be my life planner and I have to say I like the direction he is headed.

If You Could Read Her Mind

If you could read her mind what would it tell you?

Would it tell you what you want to hear? Her mind can be tricky sometimes. Hell it even fools her. Her mind would reveal things to you that you may not be ready to hear. You reading her mind would take you through a maze of emotional stir. Leading you to dead ends and roundabouts.

Normally this is where she would spill her heart and tell you how she feels. But there is no need for that, right? You can already read her mind. What she can say is that  her mind is happy when you make surprise visits. When you listen to her ramble about random thoughts her mind is grateful. When you cook delicious food her tummy is happy. When you pray together her spirit is lifted. After a workout her body is sore, but soon will be happy. When she looks in your eyes and knows that she can trust you her heart is filled with joy. Her mind would tell you that since your first date she hasn't stopped smiling. She feels safe when you hold her tight. She dances to the simplicity of your beat. She feels proud when you talk about our dreams and aspirations. She feels strong standing by your side.

If you could read her mind then you would know that she is...

No Longer Starving for Love

So last night I received a late text from KC, a handsome fella that I am seeing, telling me about a sermon by Dr. Charles Stanley entitled "Starved for Love". After telling me that I should check it out I did so and listened to it the next day (today). I was initially a little confused on where the topic was going. However, after 5 minutes within the message I was immediately hooked.

Messages like this always come when you least expect it. KC and I have been seeing each other for about 2 months and things have been going well. We are trying to make it important to build a relationship that is pleasing in the eyes of God. Since this is something that is completely new to both of us we are finding it a bit difficult. Sometimes in my case overwhelming. Being in this very open and honest "relationship" has allowed for there to be very little room for doubt. Knowing that we are not perfect people, we fail and those failures can be a real drag when we are trying to accomplish something much greater than ourselves. But this is where the message comes into play.

Before this past year I know that I was starving for love. I am a fatherless child who has been abused physically, mentally, and sexually by 80% of the men that have been in my life. Time after time I would go into circles, dating the same type of guys and not learning from past mistakes and situations. I focused all of my time on my love life failing and what I was doing wrong. I was dating and picking men at the level of my self esteem. I needed to be picking a man that would lead, protect and pastor me. Dr. Charles Stanley lists 13 personality traits of someone who is starving for love, they are as follows:

1. Someone who finds themselves in Immoral Situations: When sex becomes a road block to genuine love, esp. when they do not understand what love is about.


2. Commit Crimes: A person will commit crimes because there is a deep yearning within themselves that is missing.


3. Lacks Self Love


4. Does excessive shopping to fill a void.


5. They are lonely.


6. They are critical of other peoples relationships.


7. Angry all the time.


8. Absorbed within themselves.


9. They try to buy love.


10. Overly Complimentary


11. Always in Agreement


12. Do whatever other people want.


13. Willing to make personal sacrifices to buy love

After looking over this list I found that I had quite a number of these traits a few years. Not all, but more than I would like to have. I was starving for a love that was false and ungodly. A love that would eventually hurt me in the end and I would be back to square one.

The wonderful thing about KC and my "relationship" is that we both have the same goals and wants in a relationship. Just as I want a man who can lead, protect and pastor me he wants a woman that can help him become the man of God that he is called to be. We acknowledge when we are feeling a certain way and are unsure about whats going on. The number one thing is that God is the center of everything and that his love shines through it all. I'm not sure of the ending of this story with KC, but I can say because God is in the midst of this I know its going to be one pleasing to the heart. It's only been two months and everyday I am becoming more blessed and beautiful because God has placed him in my life.

Looking back on it I am happy I went through those situations. My story isn't finished yet, but if I hadn't gone through those things I would have never met someone who I know I prayed  to God for a long time and who he himself gave to me. This thing is a work in progress and it takes a lot of patience, a lot of patience! All I can do is keep God first, love me second and be the best woman in Christ I know how to be.

Starving for love is of the past, now I can feast on it and become overwhelmingly full with joy.

The Perfect Fit

Shopping and dating are becoming one in the same.

I like to think of myself as a pretty picky shopper. I find it very hard to just look at something and without a second, or third, thought purchase it and go about my merry way. Earlier this year  I was on a major hunt for a spring jacket. Something that wasn't too light or heavy, have pockets and be able to withstand rain. Most of all I didn't want it to be too expensive. I searched for months, going to over ten different stores and trying on at least a dozen jackets. None of which seemed to fit me just right. Sometimes the sleeves would be too long, they didn't fit right in the waist or they would either be too expensive or too cheap. Then after the third month of looking I finally found a jacket that fits me perfectly. It was right on a random day that I went out window shopping not expecting to buy anything. Before I actually tried on the winning jacket I looked at two jackets before that. When they didn't work I decided to take a break from looking and just leave the store. That was until I saw it. I picked up the jacket, examined the outside, checked the price and tried it on. It was a perfect fit. Just the right size, complimented my figure well and the price was well within my range. I was ecstatic. After looking for months I had finally found what I was looking for and it was when I least expected it.

That entire situation reminds me of dating. Like my spring jacket experience I had been looking, more so praying, for someone who would be my perfect fit. In the past I allowed myself to get overly excited and just pick a guy within an instant. I didn't take the time to inspect him, try him on, and  compare him to others. I wouldn't consider the price, in this case I was paying with time and emotions, and end up paying way more than they were actually worth. In the past year I have truly learned a lot about dating and how I must learn to treat it like shopping. However, unlike shopping when you don't like someone and choose to return it for a full refund you can't get your money back.

Now, don't get me wrong, you may have found what seems to be the perfect fit but it will change over time. The jacket might lose a button, the zipper may break and the color may fade over time. However, you will grow to love this jacket even more as it seasons. Because you have spent so much time in caring and loving it you will never be able to part ways with it. This same thing applies to a relationship. In the beginning everything will be perfect and you will be all smiles, but as time goes on and you begin to grow with one another and changes will arise. Changes that are perfectly normal and that you will want to happen.  I like to think of it like wine, its tastes better over time. Pus the foundation of who they are is what's important not what decorates them to make them pretty.

All in all I have found it best to wait for as long as possible for that perfect fit. No matter how long it takes, be patient and it will come and blow you away.

Small town stirs BIG feelings

Last week for a few hours I spent some time in Nyack, NY. I took a quick 30 minute Metro North train ride from Grand Central to White Plains, NY. My plan was to hang out with a friend before going to pick up my sister for the weekend.  Having no set plans I got in the car and just enjoyed the ride. I immediately lost my busy, uptight NYC feeling. My body began to relax and conform to the suburban way of life. It almost felt as if I was back at home in the south. Driving along the highway I witnessed trees, mountains and rivers on both sides of the car. I wanted to get out and climb so bad. I love New York City but this is one part of the state that I don't get the chance to see too often. I was almost upset because I knew I would have to leave soon.

Arriving in the small village of Nyack we drove by cute little houses with white fences and tree swings. Each house had its own personality and special touch about them. I wanted to stop and walk through them all. Smell the old hardwoods, touch the walls and hear the stories that flowed through the walls. This small town made me feel like I was in another state. There was no way this adorable town could be apart of a state I thought was consistently a dark hole. Nyack just became one of my favorite places in this great state.

We get to this small park, called Memorial Park, that immediately reminds me of the parks I used to visit with my uncle in New Bern, NC.  The first thing I see is water. I am beaming with excitement. The park has all different types of people in it. People fishing, walking dogs, playing on the playground or just sitting and talking. We begin to walk towards the water and noticing the big crowd near the pier, we venture off the side of the park over some rocks to a more private area.

The water is calm and quiet. Just sitting and listening to the sweet words it begins to whisper. I am in heaven.

After a few moments of talking and enjoying the breeze we head back up to where others are enjoying the park. We continue to walk along the rocky walkway. The view is beautiful. A clear blue sky and good company is all a girl can ask for at the moment. We proceed to walk out of the park and into town and grabbed a slice of Buffalo Pizza from Turiello's Pizza.

 

It's a cute little family owned pizza shop that sells a plethora of famous New York style pizza. I failed to mention to my friend that I am gluten-free, so to make things easier I just ordered what he did and grabbed a ginger ale to sooth the oncoming tummy ache. The pizza was OK, not what I expected. Thankfully he didn't think it was the best pizza ever either. However, it did the job it was given. After I could not finish the massive slice of pizza we headed back to enjoy the park that was beautifully lit by moonlight.

A few hours later of talking, laughing and enjoying the beauty that God created I head back to the city where my view will become cemented skyscrapers, the smell would become of trash and sewage and the noise would be honking car horns. I love the city dearly but the Village of Nyack will definitely hold a special place in my heart.

Why Does She Stay?

Every woman has been in a relationship with a guy that she should not be with. It may not be a relationship, even having a potential boyfriend around that shouldn't be there is toxic. Recently I have been dating/talking to several guys, guys I all like equally. Now, to be clear I have been single for over 3 years and I am now stable enough and ready to be in a relationship. So while dating I am looking to date someone with the same intentions. Unfortunately, not everyone I am seeing is on the same page as me and I haven't gotten rid of those that aren't. It is also sad to say that I am not the only woman in this position.

Every last guy that I am currently talking to at the moment is not only emotionally unavailable but they aren't even looking to be in a  relationship. So of course you are wondering, "Why in the hell are you still dating/talking to them?" I can honestly say for two of them we have been friends for years and I would feel terrible if I just cut either one of them out of my life just because we can't be together. Having love for someone doesn't equal to being in love with them.   However, that doesn't mean that  deep in the back of my fairytale mind I haven't thought of the possibility of me spending my life with one of them. I thankfully know that this will never happen. It sounds terrible but its very true. The other guy, a newer dude I met since living in NYC, has recently let me know that he is not emotionally ready to be in a relationship. Now, we have been going back and forth for months with our "relationship" and it's starting to get annoying. We always have a good time when we hang out, we get along very well and have great chemistry. But again, if I want to be in a relationship and he doesn't at the moment, why am I still seeing him? I have no freaking clue! Which is why I am writing this. I really need a white board to be able to sort out all my thoughts and weigh my pros and cons.

Note: I started writing this post last week and the guy that I talk about in the above paragraph is no longer in my life. He has once again gone ghost. Three strikes and this guy is definitely OUT!

Whenever I think about situations like this I always wonder if I am the only woman who questions why she stays. Over the years I have had plenty of late night conversations with girlfriends on this much heated topic. We sit and talk about the shitty things that these worthless men we allow in our lives do but we never ever do anything about it. We never demanded that they do more and be better toward us. We never keep our so-called standards and make sure that we settle for less. We allow ourselves to bend and break just to have a taste of what we think happiness is. This baffles me. Why do we as women allow this? What makes these men so deserving of our time? Is it stupidity? Is it loneliness? Denial? Do we enjoy the drama? Perhaps we think we can change them. Whatever the reason we must do better.

I always find it difficult to cut someone out of my life. No matter what the person has done, I still find a small place in my heart to forgive and keep them around. However, I have recently learned that I can't allow for this same behavior to continue. Forgiving doesn't always mean you have to forget, nor does it mean you have to allow them to make the same mistakes again. It doesn't mean that I don't forgive them just the same, it just means that I have to be more aware of how it affects me.

Now that I have come to these personal realizations I can only hope that other women can do the same.

Sometimes, You Have to Kiss and Tell

Women always say that a good girl never kisses and tells, but sometimes that rule has to be thrown out.

Very few people get to experience mind blowing, toe curling, leg shaking, passionate sex. For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about or who have never had the pleasure of experiencing this let me paint you a picture.

You have been traveling for hours you're sticky and gross. You get out of a hot shower your body squeaky clean. Wrapped in a towel you exit the bathroom only to be walked to a bed where every inch of your body is taken away from you. You lay down, your towel opens and your clean naked body is now exposed. Kissed from the top of your head, down to your neck, ending at your holy grail. Your body is floating in air and you can see yourself in pure ecstasy. Your body trembles with fire and you lose all sense of feeling in your toes, fingers, and face. Your body explodes like a volcano that has been idle for hundreds of years. What's happening is unfamiliar, scary and enticing all the same time. As you cool off you realize that you haven't been entered, just merely kissed by the sweetest lips that have ever graced the earth.

Or...

It's morning and you can feel the new Sun warming your face through the small cracks in the blinds. You know it's morning but you fight back the urgency to get out of bed. Turning your face the opposite way you feel a warm hand running up the side of your left leg. Still half asleep you let it be and enjoy the caress of his hands. You feel like a beautiful piece of art that he longs to desire. Suddenly you feel a weight on your back, not too heavy where you feel smothered, but just light enough where you feel protected. You can feel his heart beating straight through your chest. Slow, steady and calm as ever. The two bodies together begin to mold into one as he enters you from behind. He places his head in the nook of your right shoulder. Up and down, in and out your bodies dance to the beat of of the morning birds. Breathing hard each time they collide. You can't believe that something so simple can bring this much pleasure. His voice deepens as he goes deeper to find your treasure. Getting closer your body vibrates with excitement. Wanting this moment to last forever you fight your bodies urge to melt all over him. Up and down, in and out he is still inside of you. Breathing harder and harder he finds what he's been looking for. He then explodes, releasing his ink, leaving his mark and claiming that you are his. Now you both lay, he still on top of you, breathing in sync and weak from your dance. You turn your face to his and simply say, "Good morning".

Sheldon and I

For the last six days my life has been in a tiny bubble. Filled with laughs, smiles, great Thai food, Game of Thrones marathons, and hours of much-needed conversation. Thankfully my bubble stayed safe from intruders, judgement and naysayers. I traveled across the big pond to visit a friend that I haven't seen in nearly 3 years. I met Sheldon, my friend, when I was very young. He is a year older than I am, but that really doesn't matter. I won't go into great details because that would take more time than I can spare at the moment, but I will say that our relationship is truly a rare one. As I said before I spent six days with him, catching up on our lives as they are now, reflecting on pastimes and discussing our dreams of the future. I was originally hesistant to make this trip because I was a unsure on what I wanted to gain from it. We hadn't physically seen each other in 3 years, but with the help of Facebook, Skype and email we were always only a few clicks of a mouse away from each other. So having the opportunity to physically reconnect was definitely something that I could not miss. My trip started Thursday afternoon, I was eagerly awaiting my arrival to a land that was rather unfamiliar to me. After landing in the new place I had to go through the usual customs dance. While examining my passport and other paperwork, the customs agent questioned my relationship with the person that I was going to see. After informing her that I was visiting a friend from college she still asked if I was visiting my boyfriend. I unconsciously replied yes. What did I just do? After customs and a quick cleanup in the bathroom I see him, Sheldon, waiting for me just like he said. Ecstatic about seeing him we leave and go on about our way. Sheldon is just as I remembered him. Same smile, dimple on each cheek, and same smooth lips. What I don't remember about him is calmness. Not that he was a hot head before this was different. A difference that I definitely enjoyed. Each day following that was perfect. Aside from good times with friends, great food and a little touristy adventures the most important moments to me happened in the comfort of his own home. Sounds crazy to travel so far to just sit on a couch, but I was more content than ever. The point of this story is to explain the importance of friendship over love. After many talks about what we wanted from each other and the future it was clear that what needed to be protected was our friendship. The most difficult thing for me to do was tell Sheldon that I was in love with him. He too told me of his feelings for me but his hesitations were not being ready for a relationship. That I completely understood and respected. The last thing I want to do is rush into something prematurely. However, it was very important to me that he knows how I feel and vice versa. Talking with Sheldon as adults put a lot of things in perspective. Perspective that my little eyes and heart needed to hear and see. On my last day I was in another world. Sheldon, not understanding what was wrong, thought that it was something that he did. I reassured him that everything was ok. I just needed a moment to reflect on my trip and to make sure that I was making good decisions. In the end I have no doubts nor regrets from this trip. I may still be a single woman but I gained something much greater. Sheldon is no longer that immature selfish boy I once knew, he is now a man who has grown into someone I would've never imagine. So if it means that the universe never puts us together as husband and wife but we get to remain in each others lives through no matter what then that's fine by me. So to Sheldon, I said it once and I'll say it again, I love you, always have and always will. And I'll always have your back, literally. ;)

i am weak, i am...

i am weak, i am small, i am poor, i am broken

i may not be strong
but every ounce of strength i have
i will use to hold you
as tightly as i can.

i may not be tall,
but i will take you higher than you have ever been
where there is no color, race, fear, or pain
and all is filled with beauty, love, and hope.

i may not have money,
but i am rich in love, and happiness, and soul
and i will share everything i have with you
each second i am by your side.

i may not have been whole,
but that was only because
i did not have my souls twin to complete me,
i had not yet found myself in you.

Laney Mejias

Hurry Up and Get Married!

At what age should a woman get married? Is it right out out college? Before 30? This question has to be the bane of my existence. Since college all I hear from friends, family, colleagues, random grocery store clerks and even coworkers is when am I going to get married. It's a question that is damn near annoying and invasive. In case these people didn't now, I am not God. I cannot see into the future nor have I ever been good at placing bets. So the little five word question that they feel necessary to muster from their lips should stay within the confines of their brain.

I realize that I sound pretty angry but I have every right to feel this way. Let me explain. I can count on both hands and feet how many high and college classmates who are either engaged, married, or married with a kid (including puppies). Double that number and that's how many times I've been asked about my marital future. That's 39 times too many in my opinion. The insane part of all of this is that  I am not even in a relationship. I'm just as fresh as a hot pan of country cornbread. I haven't had a boyfriend in the past four years. That number may seem pretty high to some people, but I take who I commit myself to very seriously. So I just don't call every guy I talk to my boyfriend after a week of texting and emoticons.  I prefer to take my time and really get to know the person I am considering to be my life partner.Life partner? NappyNikki you were just talking about dating, how did you get to life partner? Well, in my opinion the whole dating game is about finding that one true partner. Whether people want to admit it or not that's everyone's goal.

I am 24 years old, I've had 1 serious boyfriend and maybe dated, a term I use very loosely, 3 guys. And now everyone I know assumes that is is time for me to settle down, get married and start making mini me's. Just the other day a few coworkers asked me if I ever thought about it and if I hadn't I need to soon. I'm only 24 years old! Just shy of my quarter life crisis' mark. What's the rush? Why do I need to do it right now? Is the Messiah coming? Is there a shortage of men? If so, will those same people start encouraging me to marry a woman? (Not that I am against it.) All I'm saying is that if you are going to advise someone to do something, you better give them a good reason why. And even them I'm not going to move at the pace you want me to.

Now, by no means am I against marriage. I very well would love to enjoy and experience that agape love. I want a family and just recently realized that I want children. I want everything that people question me about on a daily basis and more. However, I don't want it to be forced. I don't want to feel like I have to marry someone just because we have dated for more than 5 years. Or have a baby because my biological clock is ticking and I definitely don't want to feel as if I have to marry someone just because they got me pregnant. This is not a movie where I had a one night stand with some random guy from a bar, he got be pregnant and now we have to force a relationship that probably never would have happen it if weren't for six shots of tequila and outraged hormones. This is my life and I take it very seriously.

So to all those lovely souls who wish me a never ending magical Disney fairy tale filled with lots of kids, baked goods and and endless supply of sappy moments. Pump your breaks! Let there be a boyfriend before you start picking out wedding dresses and nursery colors.

i don't enjoy video games, so why would i play yours

Remember that guy Dude? The one I met a month before I moved to NYC and the one who disappeared for a month. Well, it seems as if he might have to take an L, that’s a loss to those of you not hip. I know your probably wondering, “Why, what happened?” But as expected he has dropped the ball once again.

To give a little background, the last time I saw him was last Monday and since we both work in Manhattan I decided to make an effort and see him while we were both in the city at once. It wasn’t anything special just a short casual visit. As I was getting ready to leave he says that he wants to take me out to dinner over the weekend. I don’t show it then but I get excited saying to myself, “Finally, this nigga is stepping up.” Needless to say the weekend came and it went and I had no dinner, call or text. I believe it was Sunday night that I actually spoke to him. I had two missed calls from him 12:30 am and 2:17 am, so I guess I should say Monday morning. I returned the phone call because what could be so important for you to call me at 2:17 in the damn morning. As it turns out, wasn’t shit important. I asked what happened to the dinner plans and all he said was, “I’ll tell you in person”. In person? What the fuck is that about? Then he goes on and on to make promises about shit that he know wont happen. I proceed to reply to each statement with an “Uh huh.” or a “Sure.”

I have never been the type to make a big deal out of small things. Mainly because I hate drama and the only piece of drama that allow to enter my life are reality shows. I also can normally be more patient than the average person but there are times when I reach my limit of acceptable bullshit. So, unfortunately I have to let this one go and get his shit together. I have been patient enough, kind enough and needless to say a very understanding woman about this whole thing. I don’t believe in kicking a person while they’re down so I will just quietly leave this situation while it is still in a somewhat good place.

Now, I have decided that instead of thinking of the worst possible scenario like…maybe he dropped his phone on a subway track. Or maybe he was pushed on a subway track. Maybe he is married and forgot to tell me. Maybe he wasn’t sure that I was sure that he was sure that he wanted to date me. Maybe the one time we had sex was too amazing for him to handle for a second time. Maybe he didn’t like that I don’t eat animals. Maybe he was waiting for the perfect time to cancel on me for the second time. Or maybe he just couldn’t stand to be happy….oh what the hell, I will think the worst possible thing. It would be ass backwards if I don’t.

I will however take a lesson, several lessons, away from this entire situation. They are as follows:

1. If a guy tells you that his last girlfriend cheated on him but there is no way he is still pissed by it, don’t listen to him. He just said that so you can think that she didn’t take his balls when she left with his heart.


2. If a guy repeatedly cancels plans with you and then acts like those plans never existed, act like you forgot too.


3. If a guy calls you at 2:17 in the morning with some bullshit about why he stood you up, put the phone on speaker so that you and your girlfriends can laugh at his ass.


4. If a guy always calls you with the “I just woke up voice” pretend as if you dropped acid right before he called.


5. If a guy insists that he forgot your last name even though your name and number are both saved in his phone, he probably is telling the truth because he’s an idiot.

Don’t misunderstand me people, I did like him. I also still find him very sexy. However, playing games and wasting my time is something I don’t appreciate or tolerate. I have always been a very vocal person and that will never change.

what your woman talks about when you're NOT around

WARNING: The following content may be offensive to some people. Read at your own risk.

The following is a small piece of a conversation between a group of girlfriends. I thought it would be interesting to show how women act when its just them and their girls. The conversation is very much real, but the names have been changed to respect everyone’s privacy.

Enjoy!

Erica:So u guys I swallowed last night!!

Olivia:OMG! How was it? I hope you put him on a diet prior to this.

Erica:It was not as bad as I thought!! No bad taste or anything!! U just have to do it real quick and no just spare of the moment

Olivia:lol yeah, i needs a vegetarian. cause i can’t fathom what meaty sperm must taste like.

Jessica: OMGizzle really? Lmao at meaty sperm Olivia

Erica: Yes Jessica it’s quite arousing

Tasha: Yall are crazy lol

Jessica:Oh ok well lol I have also done it like twice, it does make you feel sort of pornish but it isn’t as bad as I thought it would be

Tasha:Talking about all this swallowing and lusting after fine men and what have you lol

Erica: Lol!! Ok!! So as we all know I’m a freak!!

Olivia: Lol hey girl (Tasha) this single life can bring some interesting thangs. some you want and others you just gotta tell like it is.

Tasha: Im like 50/50 it depends on what mood im in….if i wanna drive his ass wild i would swallow

Erica: We were in bed watching TV and all of a sudden I got horny!! So we started with the normal making out…kissing and grinding!!! So off went the clothes!! Well we normally will do 69 but last night I wanted to please him because when I got off work the house was clean, he had ordered the food and paid for it all I had to do was pick it up!! So felt the need to show my appreciation with something new!! So the sex was so heated that I desired to have his dick in my mouth!!! So I gave him head!! I’m talking about made the nigga whine!! I sucked balls and even licked down by his asshole!! He was shaking well he keep saying about to nut!! Normally

I will catch it and spit but I was so caught up in the moment that I swallowed it!!

Then he ate my pussy like it was going out of style!! Next thing I know we were fucking up against the wall!! Shit was intense!!

dreams, that just so happen to involve sex

WARNING: The following may make some people uncomfortable.

Over the past few weeks I have been having some pretty interesting dreams. I realize that to people who don’t know me personally could give a rats ass about how good or bad my dreams are. However, for those that do know me know that for years I have dealt with chronic nightmares. So to have a week of good dreams, dreams that involve sex, is something to be very excited about.

I like to believe that everyone, at some point in their life, has had a sex dream. They may not want to admit it, but it has happened and nine times out of ten they enjoyed it. The only problem is that they never want to talk about it. Like there is some shame in having dream sex. The first thing a woman or man does after a steamy night of earth shattering sex is tell their girlfriends or their homeboys. It’s just the way it is. You sit and talk over a beer, wine, or blunt and recount each detail as if you are reliving it all over again. For those of you that say you have never done this, you should try it. It is quite healthy and always makes for good conversation.

When the sex happens in a dream people are more afraid to share those dirty details. It is already a known fact that men wake up ever morning with a hard on, so it may be safe to say that most of those are attributed to a dream from the previous night. Women on the other hand are a little different.

I can’t remember my first sex dream or when I actually had it, but I do remember my feelings afterwards. It was just as surreal as reality. When you are dreaming and aware that it is a dream you have the opportunity to allow yourself to behave in ways that you normally wouldn’t. You don’t feel afraid because you know it’s between you and your subconscious. There is a freedom that your mind allows your body to have. As if the two are completely separate.

A few nights ago I had a dream about Dude, from the previous post, and it was surely a shocker. To keep it real, I will just tell you how I told him:

Me:I had a dream about you last night.

Dude: What was the dream about?

Me: We were in some building waiting for something. And for some reason I was really afraid.

Dude: Why?

Me: I don’t know but you kept saying that it would be OK.Then you started holding me and caressing my head. Then you kissed me, starting at my forehead then to my neck. Carefully taking off my clothes one piece after another. You followed and got undressed. After you got undressed, you started kissing me again. Kissing my chest, breast, back, tummy. I continue to rub your chest, kissing your neck. I remember your strong arms. Always liked your arms, they make me feel safe. You laid me on my back, taste me so sweetly, then proceed to enter me. Filling every inch of me as if there was no end.

I felt every single emotion and touch in this dream. I could imagine watching my self and the facial expressions that were being made. This dream was in essence the definition of ecstasy. This person had total control over my body. Now, don’t get it confused this wasn’t some crazy upside down, hands tied behind your back, insert out of Zane novel. This was passion, pleasure and submission all wrapped in a pretty pink bow. As some would say this dream gave me life!

I have learned to handle to cope with the many nightmares that I have had along the years. But this, this is something that I can definitely get used to.

Thank God all dreams ain’t bad.

until there's a ring on it

Sometimes you have to just roll with the punches and see how things will turn out.

It is a known fact that I am a single female living in NYC and eagerly awaiting for my prince charming to come in a sweep me off my feet. It is also a known fact that the McDreamy’s and McSteamy’s aren’t flooding the streets. So instead of waiting for that part of my life to begin I will continue to have the fun that I am obligated to have.

I currently have two men in my life that I would without a doubt consider potential boyfriends. I have been friends with the first guy for about 6 years.  I will call him Guy. We met during my college years and immediately clicked. We have a pretty interesting history and have definitely been there for each other during some crazy times. For about a  year we lost touch but for the past year we have been talking more and getting our friendship back to where it used to be. Now this all sounds happy and magical but I failed to mention that he lives 3500 miles away from me. Yes, 3500 and it will be that way for a few years. I have always cared very deeply for Guy, but our timing has never been perfect. Plus, we are such great friends that I don’t even think labeling our friendship or forcing it into something that it’s not is the best idea.

The second guy is the new kid on the block. I like to call him “dude”. I met Dude a month before I moved to NY. He is absolutely everything that I am looking for in a man. He is very tall, buff, funny, responsible, handsome, smart and a very hard worker. He is also the sweetest thing ever. We talked on the phone for about a month before our first date and after meeting him on our first date I liked him even more. Since then we talked everyday and hung out quite often. That was until the day before Thanksgiving. We were scheduled to go out on a date. A date that I planned and made reservations for. We talked two days prior and everything was ok and still in check. However, when the time came for us to go out he was a no show. Not a call, text or even a fucking smoke signal. For days and at least two weeks I tried to contact him. I honestly didn’t know what to think. Was he not interested? Did he die? What? So after two weeks and I didn’t hear from him I gave up. I took it as a lost. Now it is a little over a month later and he suddenly pops back up and we are back at square one. (I would go into full detail about what happened with him for that month but that’s too much for right now, but it obviously wasn’t anything that made me no longer interested.) I was really feeling him before so why not see where are friendship goes. The point is that now we are starting over, which in some aspects is bitter sweet for me. But it only makes sense.

Besides those two there are other random men that I meet on a daily basis, people on the street, in the gym, and at functions; but none of them are anything special.

Some people would consider the above information a bit scandalous. Fortunately, I believe that myself and women alike have every right to be that way. If a woman doesn’t have a boyfriend or husband then they have every right to weigh there options and make a wise choice on who would be the better mate for them. There is nothing than being in relationship with one person and thinking about what could have been or should have been with someone else. Now I’m not saying that I am making sexy time with more than one guy at one time, although the NY guy and I have had sex once and I most certainly wouldn’t mind a replay.

But like I said, until there’s a ring on it I am just going with the flow.

who's resposible for the rain coats?

Whether you are dating or just casually seeing someone, when it comes to the point point of being intimate who is responsible for providing the condoms? Typically you hear men being told to always have condoms on them. But what happens when the woman is the one providing them? How is she judged? And when you are first being intimate with someone (unplanned) and the guy has condoms is there an idea that he came knowing he was getting some booty? Or if he doesn’t come prepared does that make it seem like he isn’t prepared and not safe? What about women? If she is the one with the condoms does that mean she gets around? Or does it mean she is safe and believes in protecting herself? What is the protocol for this? Does it even matter who has them? I feel like as long as they are present in the equation then it really shouldn’t matter.

Right?

falling in love ain't shit, somebody tell me how to stay there

this is one of my favorite quotes from Love Jones. i mean it really makes sense. and is a pretty valid statement. people rave about how they fall in love with their Prince Charming or their Queen. but what happens when you realize that you actually have to work in a relationship. i think people forget that relationships just don’t happen, there has to be work put in from both parties for anything to be successful. i don’t know, maybe it’s just me but im not going to rush into something im not ready for. everyone thinking of getting into a relationship should think about if they’re are ready for it. many relationships fail because they are rushed and aren’t given the chance to organically bloom. 

mr. dark chocolate chunk...that stood me up

About a month ago I met this guy at a bar. Well it was actually my birthday and he was working. Anyway, as I’m sitting at the bar enjoying my birthday drinks, yes drinks, I notice this tall chuck of chocolate eyeing me. So naturally I give him a little glance back just to let him know that I see him. And that I like what I see. A few more glances and smiles are exchanged before I pay my tab and head out. When I get up to leave, I hear this voice behind me saying, “Excuse me, miss.” I turn around to see who it is and it’s Mr. Dark Chocolate Chunk handing me a slip of paper and saying, “This is usually frowned upon, but I couldn’t let you leave without me giving you my number”. I smile, say thank you and walk away. ( In my head I was like hell yeah! Sexual chocolate!!) 

Walking out of the restaurant I open the piece of paper and it reads Ricky with a matching phone number. Now, by this time I’m a little tipsy so my thoughts are all over the place. I slip the number in my purse and proceed to go home. My day continues as expected I go out and enjoy my birthday just as expected (and some).

The next day I’m going through my purse and I find the piece of paper with the number of Ricky. I contemplate whether or not I want to use it, after about a minute I decide to give it a go. I sent a basic text of saying who I was and asking him how he was. A few hours later I receive a response that he was glad I contacted him. After a few days of chatting, he asked me out and I agreed. 

Now, the interesting thing about this situation is that I agreed to a late night date. (He had to work until 10) And by late I mean 10:30 pm. Usually I wouldn’t agree to such a thing but I’m trying to try new things and accept change. Naturally I was excited about the date. So I made sure hair was right, jeans fit just right and that every inch of me was in perfect condition. He was very attractive and our conversations before were nice, so of course I wanted to know more about him. 

After arriving 5 minutes late to meeting him, I received a text saying that he was running a few minutes, but I could come to his job and wait there. I didn’t feel comfortable doing that so I waited at the restaurant we were going to meet at. A few minutes come and goes and I’m still waiting. I text back and say what’s up, Im about to leave. He responds saying that he’s sorry he’s still trying to get out. It is now after 11pm (over 40 damn minutes later) and I’ve been waiting too damn long, and that’s something I would never do! He responds, “srry”. O_O What the hell is that?!?! I left that night and as I did, I deleted his number. That was such a sign saying RUN GIRL!! and FAST! 

Memorial Day weekend I get a text message asking me how Im doing. 

Hmm, better now that I’m not holding my breathe for your late ass!