God Given Love

I have spent the better part of the last 3 years evaluating things and learning more about myself and what I want in life. Not specifically professionally, more so personally and spiritually. I have only been in one serious relationship, which was during my teenage years, and after that breakup I really wanted to make sure that the next person I let get that close to me was God sent. Now, if you aren't a spiritual person you may not understand what I mean by that, but just bear with me and I will try to explain it for you.

I felt that when I was dating I wasn't consulting to God about the men that I had chosen. I was in college and felt that I had to try different types of people and see what my interest was. I went through the thugs, preps, sporty, super religious, non religious, pretty boys, frats and all other different characters. Now, I never made any of those guys my boyfriend, they were merely potentials. The issue that came up was that I didn't know who Nikki was. I didn't know what I wanted in a relationship or even what to expect. I had always compared every new guy with he previous one and eventually fell on my face every time. So after college I decided that I wouldn't get into any serious relationships until I did some serious soul-searching. That lasted for about a year and I was ready to dip back into the dating scene. Then I hit a wall last year.

I was living and working in DC at the time. Had a few potential guys here and there, some good and some very bad. I even tried online dating for the first time. After a couple of crazies, being stood up (3 times) and booty calls, I began to get discouraged. I thought that I would never meet the right guy. I mean I was wreck last year. Guy after guy I was being disappointed. It felt like I was taking a thousand steps backwards. If you ask my cousin, the one person who really knew details, she would say that I was a mess. At that time I thought it was going to be impossible for me to be loved. Sounds depressing but that's how I felt.

Fast forward to a year later aka present day.

I am living and working in NY. This is something that I have wanted all my life. I worked very hard to get here and I am very proud of myself. My confidence level is high, I am secure within myself and I have no doubt of where I want my future to go. I met a few guys and went out on a couple of dates but nothing seemed to catch my attention long enough to remember their names. Eventually I stopped actively looking for men and just laid back. However, this doesn't mean that I would turn down a cutie or two. lol Anyway, so I am at work and I need to contact a coworker at another campus, one that I had left the previous day. I sent this coworker an IM requesting some work related information. After a few minutes I realized that I was taking pictures of this guy yesterday and never knew his name. (Well, he never formally introduced himself to me.) I got the information that I wanted and then I figured I would keep talking to him since I was new at the time. I can be a very sociable person, so it's very easy for me to start a conversation with someone. I continued to ask questions about him and where he was from. You know the general questions you ask someone to get to know them. I had no intentions of this conversation going any further than normal coworker chit-chat. However, after a two days of questions he asked me for my number. (Which I claim to be the action of who asked who out first, lol.) I of course interested in him by now gave him my number and we continued our conversation outside of work. That was a Wednesday, that Friday was the weekend of my birthday and I actually had a date that night. (Which turned out to be a dead-end.) We talked all that weekend, finding out that we had a lot of similar interests, spiritual wants, common present day and future desires.

That Monday morning at work we talked as just like we did the days before. Around noon he sent me a message asking me if I wanted to go out on a date. I was totally not prepared to go out on a date. I had work clothes on my hair wasn't what I would've wanted it to be and I had on no makeup. But for some reason I was really intrigued by this guy. So, I said yes. We met up after work in Grand Central station and immediately I noticed that he was really handsome and tall, both being a major plus. We started to walk towards Time Square to catch a movie, I unfortunately got us lost and we ended up at Red Lobster having dinner. Our conversation ranged from college days, religion, past relationships, food, music and much more. You name it we talked about it. It was such a relaxing and carefree date. It was also my first successful dates in a very long time. And by successful I mean that I didn't get stood up.

After the date we walked over to Bryant Park, which was lit by moonlight and tree lights. We walked, talked and shared more about ourselves. One thing led to another and he plants this very sweet, strong but soft kiss on me. A kiss that let's you know that he had a great time and plans on seeing you again. Needless to say its been almost 6 months and we have been together everyday since.

The point of my story is that you never know who God has out there for you. I had no clue that a small conversation with a coworker would lead to the blessings I have right now. We both had prayed for each other and never even knew the person we were looking for was right under our nose. God truly made all this happen in the way he wanted it. As humans, specifically Christians, we can sometimes forget who the real boss is and try to plan our life for ourselves. In this case, I have stepped aside and let God be my life planner and I have to say I like the direction he is headed.

The Perfect Fit

Shopping and dating are becoming one in the same.

I like to think of myself as a pretty picky shopper. I find it very hard to just look at something and without a second, or third, thought purchase it and go about my merry way. Earlier this year  I was on a major hunt for a spring jacket. Something that wasn't too light or heavy, have pockets and be able to withstand rain. Most of all I didn't want it to be too expensive. I searched for months, going to over ten different stores and trying on at least a dozen jackets. None of which seemed to fit me just right. Sometimes the sleeves would be too long, they didn't fit right in the waist or they would either be too expensive or too cheap. Then after the third month of looking I finally found a jacket that fits me perfectly. It was right on a random day that I went out window shopping not expecting to buy anything. Before I actually tried on the winning jacket I looked at two jackets before that. When they didn't work I decided to take a break from looking and just leave the store. That was until I saw it. I picked up the jacket, examined the outside, checked the price and tried it on. It was a perfect fit. Just the right size, complimented my figure well and the price was well within my range. I was ecstatic. After looking for months I had finally found what I was looking for and it was when I least expected it.

That entire situation reminds me of dating. Like my spring jacket experience I had been looking, more so praying, for someone who would be my perfect fit. In the past I allowed myself to get overly excited and just pick a guy within an instant. I didn't take the time to inspect him, try him on, and  compare him to others. I wouldn't consider the price, in this case I was paying with time and emotions, and end up paying way more than they were actually worth. In the past year I have truly learned a lot about dating and how I must learn to treat it like shopping. However, unlike shopping when you don't like someone and choose to return it for a full refund you can't get your money back.

Now, don't get me wrong, you may have found what seems to be the perfect fit but it will change over time. The jacket might lose a button, the zipper may break and the color may fade over time. However, you will grow to love this jacket even more as it seasons. Because you have spent so much time in caring and loving it you will never be able to part ways with it. This same thing applies to a relationship. In the beginning everything will be perfect and you will be all smiles, but as time goes on and you begin to grow with one another and changes will arise. Changes that are perfectly normal and that you will want to happen.  I like to think of it like wine, its tastes better over time. Pus the foundation of who they are is what's important not what decorates them to make them pretty.

All in all I have found it best to wait for as long as possible for that perfect fit. No matter how long it takes, be patient and it will come and blow you away.