No Longer Starving for Love

So last night I received a late text from KC, a handsome fella that I am seeing, telling me about a sermon by Dr. Charles Stanley entitled "Starved for Love". After telling me that I should check it out I did so and listened to it the next day (today). I was initially a little confused on where the topic was going. However, after 5 minutes within the message I was immediately hooked.

Messages like this always come when you least expect it. KC and I have been seeing each other for about 2 months and things have been going well. We are trying to make it important to build a relationship that is pleasing in the eyes of God. Since this is something that is completely new to both of us we are finding it a bit difficult. Sometimes in my case overwhelming. Being in this very open and honest "relationship" has allowed for there to be very little room for doubt. Knowing that we are not perfect people, we fail and those failures can be a real drag when we are trying to accomplish something much greater than ourselves. But this is where the message comes into play.

Before this past year I know that I was starving for love. I am a fatherless child who has been abused physically, mentally, and sexually by 80% of the men that have been in my life. Time after time I would go into circles, dating the same type of guys and not learning from past mistakes and situations. I focused all of my time on my love life failing and what I was doing wrong. I was dating and picking men at the level of my self esteem. I needed to be picking a man that would lead, protect and pastor me. Dr. Charles Stanley lists 13 personality traits of someone who is starving for love, they are as follows:

1. Someone who finds themselves in Immoral Situations: When sex becomes a road block to genuine love, esp. when they do not understand what love is about.


2. Commit Crimes: A person will commit crimes because there is a deep yearning within themselves that is missing.


3. Lacks Self Love


4. Does excessive shopping to fill a void.


5. They are lonely.


6. They are critical of other peoples relationships.


7. Angry all the time.


8. Absorbed within themselves.


9. They try to buy love.


10. Overly Complimentary


11. Always in Agreement


12. Do whatever other people want.


13. Willing to make personal sacrifices to buy love

After looking over this list I found that I had quite a number of these traits a few years. Not all, but more than I would like to have. I was starving for a love that was false and ungodly. A love that would eventually hurt me in the end and I would be back to square one.

The wonderful thing about KC and my "relationship" is that we both have the same goals and wants in a relationship. Just as I want a man who can lead, protect and pastor me he wants a woman that can help him become the man of God that he is called to be. We acknowledge when we are feeling a certain way and are unsure about whats going on. The number one thing is that God is the center of everything and that his love shines through it all. I'm not sure of the ending of this story with KC, but I can say because God is in the midst of this I know its going to be one pleasing to the heart. It's only been two months and everyday I am becoming more blessed and beautiful because God has placed him in my life.

Looking back on it I am happy I went through those situations. My story isn't finished yet, but if I hadn't gone through those things I would have never met someone who I know I prayed  to God for a long time and who he himself gave to me. This thing is a work in progress and it takes a lot of patience, a lot of patience! All I can do is keep God first, love me second and be the best woman in Christ I know how to be.

Starving for love is of the past, now I can feast on it and become overwhelmingly full with joy.

Small town stirs BIG feelings

Last week for a few hours I spent some time in Nyack, NY. I took a quick 30 minute Metro North train ride from Grand Central to White Plains, NY. My plan was to hang out with a friend before going to pick up my sister for the weekend.  Having no set plans I got in the car and just enjoyed the ride. I immediately lost my busy, uptight NYC feeling. My body began to relax and conform to the suburban way of life. It almost felt as if I was back at home in the south. Driving along the highway I witnessed trees, mountains and rivers on both sides of the car. I wanted to get out and climb so bad. I love New York City but this is one part of the state that I don't get the chance to see too often. I was almost upset because I knew I would have to leave soon.

Arriving in the small village of Nyack we drove by cute little houses with white fences and tree swings. Each house had its own personality and special touch about them. I wanted to stop and walk through them all. Smell the old hardwoods, touch the walls and hear the stories that flowed through the walls. This small town made me feel like I was in another state. There was no way this adorable town could be apart of a state I thought was consistently a dark hole. Nyack just became one of my favorite places in this great state.

We get to this small park, called Memorial Park, that immediately reminds me of the parks I used to visit with my uncle in New Bern, NC.  The first thing I see is water. I am beaming with excitement. The park has all different types of people in it. People fishing, walking dogs, playing on the playground or just sitting and talking. We begin to walk towards the water and noticing the big crowd near the pier, we venture off the side of the park over some rocks to a more private area.

The water is calm and quiet. Just sitting and listening to the sweet words it begins to whisper. I am in heaven.

After a few moments of talking and enjoying the breeze we head back up to where others are enjoying the park. We continue to walk along the rocky walkway. The view is beautiful. A clear blue sky and good company is all a girl can ask for at the moment. We proceed to walk out of the park and into town and grabbed a slice of Buffalo Pizza from Turiello's Pizza.

 

It's a cute little family owned pizza shop that sells a plethora of famous New York style pizza. I failed to mention to my friend that I am gluten-free, so to make things easier I just ordered what he did and grabbed a ginger ale to sooth the oncoming tummy ache. The pizza was OK, not what I expected. Thankfully he didn't think it was the best pizza ever either. However, it did the job it was given. After I could not finish the massive slice of pizza we headed back to enjoy the park that was beautifully lit by moonlight.

A few hours later of talking, laughing and enjoying the beauty that God created I head back to the city where my view will become cemented skyscrapers, the smell would become of trash and sewage and the noise would be honking car horns. I love the city dearly but the Village of Nyack will definitely hold a special place in my heart.