Everyone Argues

I come from an extended family of a lot of fights (verbal and physical). As a child I didn't realize that what my family was doing was not normal or at least healthy. I thought all of my friends families were just like mine. Little did I know what was my norm was not normal.

The reason that I am bringing this up is because the other day my fiance and I were having a conversation about something. I don't remember exactly what we were talking about but the conversation started to move towards an argument. Now, I don't mean break off the engagement argument, I just mean the kind of discussion that shows that even as a couple we can have extreme differences. Just a few days ago I got into an argument with some friends about decisions that I had made in regards to my wedding day. It didn't get to a point to where we were yelling and cursing each other out but it was an argument. They had a different thought and feelings on the decision that I made. My sisters and I used to fight all the time. They always thought I was trying to mother them and steer them in a better path than they were going. We would argue about the most simple things and they would last for days. However, out of all these arguments the one that bothers me the most is the one with my fiance.

When we started dating we rarely had heated discussions. I guess that is because we were still in the infatuation phase. I don't think that infatuation has completely gone away but we have learned more about our differences as time moves on. Many of our arguments comes from one of us not completely understanding what the other is trying to express at that moment. We often deal with the fact that women and men really do think totally on the opposite end of the spectrum. In our pre-marital counseling we learn a lot about communicating and how as humans we will naturally disagree on things. Like, if our kids should go to private or public school, how often we should go on vacation, how is suppose to do what chores around the house, how much money each other spends and even about clothes that the other chooses to wear. None of these topics are abnormal but they all, when discussed for too long, make me very uncomfortable. I cry every time we get there and I hate it. It really bothers me that I can't have a normal argument without tears welling up in my eyes. Nevertheless, I  truly believe that since i grew up in a family were arguing was a second form of communication I developed a serious sensitivity to it. So much so that I avoid arguing or fighting with people at all cause. I would rather be wrong than create an argument based on something. I find no pleasure in arguing with people, especially those that I love the most.

Thankfully, our premarital counselling is teaching us a lot about how to handle heated discussion in a manner that no one gets hurt and everyone is heard. We don't fight a lot but I know they will come every now and then. At least now I know that its OK to have differences and better to get them out than let them boil inside of you.

i also heard that make up sex will be the best sex...can't wait for married life! 

until there's a ring on it

Sometimes you have to just roll with the punches and see how things will turn out.

It is a known fact that I am a single female living in NYC and eagerly awaiting for my prince charming to come in a sweep me off my feet. It is also a known fact that the McDreamy’s and McSteamy’s aren’t flooding the streets. So instead of waiting for that part of my life to begin I will continue to have the fun that I am obligated to have.

I currently have two men in my life that I would without a doubt consider potential boyfriends. I have been friends with the first guy for about 6 years.  I will call him Guy. We met during my college years and immediately clicked. We have a pretty interesting history and have definitely been there for each other during some crazy times. For about a  year we lost touch but for the past year we have been talking more and getting our friendship back to where it used to be. Now this all sounds happy and magical but I failed to mention that he lives 3500 miles away from me. Yes, 3500 and it will be that way for a few years. I have always cared very deeply for Guy, but our timing has never been perfect. Plus, we are such great friends that I don’t even think labeling our friendship or forcing it into something that it’s not is the best idea.

The second guy is the new kid on the block. I like to call him “dude”. I met Dude a month before I moved to NY. He is absolutely everything that I am looking for in a man. He is very tall, buff, funny, responsible, handsome, smart and a very hard worker. He is also the sweetest thing ever. We talked on the phone for about a month before our first date and after meeting him on our first date I liked him even more. Since then we talked everyday and hung out quite often. That was until the day before Thanksgiving. We were scheduled to go out on a date. A date that I planned and made reservations for. We talked two days prior and everything was ok and still in check. However, when the time came for us to go out he was a no show. Not a call, text or even a fucking smoke signal. For days and at least two weeks I tried to contact him. I honestly didn’t know what to think. Was he not interested? Did he die? What? So after two weeks and I didn’t hear from him I gave up. I took it as a lost. Now it is a little over a month later and he suddenly pops back up and we are back at square one. (I would go into full detail about what happened with him for that month but that’s too much for right now, but it obviously wasn’t anything that made me no longer interested.) I was really feeling him before so why not see where are friendship goes. The point is that now we are starting over, which in some aspects is bitter sweet for me. But it only makes sense.

Besides those two there are other random men that I meet on a daily basis, people on the street, in the gym, and at functions; but none of them are anything special.

Some people would consider the above information a bit scandalous. Fortunately, I believe that myself and women alike have every right to be that way. If a woman doesn’t have a boyfriend or husband then they have every right to weigh there options and make a wise choice on who would be the better mate for them. There is nothing than being in relationship with one person and thinking about what could have been or should have been with someone else. Now I’m not saying that I am making sexy time with more than one guy at one time, although the NY guy and I have had sex once and I most certainly wouldn’t mind a replay.

But like I said, until there’s a ring on it I am just going with the flow.