Discovering your Friends are Associates

In life you grow and when you grow there are things, people and places that just can't come along with you. It's a fact that unfortunately won't get any easier to deal with.

I have grown to be the type of person that if I recognize that someone or something is not good for me I will make provisions for that thing or person to no longer contribute to my quality of life. In the past maybe 5 years I have had to do a lot of cleaning in my friends circle and although it isn't easy it is something that needs to be done. I personally don't think that there is anything wrong with changing the relationship level of people in your life. I have had to do it several times in my life and actually very recently.

When I first moved to New York I didn't know anyone. It wasn't until I moved into my own apartment and during the 2013 storm Hurricane Sandy that I actually met some women that became my friends. The week of the storm my then roommate asked if she a few people could come crash at my place until the storm cleared out. I of course welcomed them and in two days had a house full of people. Being that I had been living alone in an unfamiliar place I was excited to have guests. Three of the girls that came over where actually my neighbors during my first month in NY and two where in my masters program. We had all hit if off pretty well and decided to hang out more even after the storm and they were able to return to there housing.

Over the next two years we got really close. Shared a lot of personal moments, had your typical girls night out, Saturday brunch, and even many nights of tears. I thought I had found the people that would become my family away from home. That was until I go engaged, moved out of the city and started a whole new life.

When I first moved the group would take turns to spend time whether it was in the burbs or in the city, mostly in the city though. Things seemed to be normal but eventually you could tell that the relationship between me and the rest of the group where starting to shift. To be fair I wasn't the only person experiencing life changes. Everyone was going through their own personal shift but to me it seemed that mine was the biggest and effected everyone the most.


To get down to the point I had decided with my fiance that we didn't want to have a big wedding or wedding party. We also decided that we wanted to have a very private and intimate wedding ceremony and a big reception to celebrate with with extended family and friends. Once I informed my NYC friends about this change they were not too happy. It was to a point that it brought about feelings they had towards me ever since I had gotten engaged and my life had began to shift. They had thought that I had essentially cut them out of my wedding and felt that as my friends of two years I should include them in the ceremony. I thought that it was my wedding and I should be able to make whatever decision I wanted and not answer to anyone. I understood their pain and respected it but I wasn't going to allow anyone to guilt me for this decision.

It has been over a month and a half since that conversation and almost a month since my wedding. It turned out that only two of the four women showed up to my wedding reception after I invited everyone.

The point of all of this is that even though things played out the way they did I am not sad. I cherish the time that I had with those women and the moments we shared. I have grown to know and accept that people will grow and out grow each other. That's life and in life change must happen.

On Losing Your Job

June 1, 2015

Today I lost my job.

I'm not sure why I even decided to write this down. Maybe to release it a little more. Maybe to set reality into place. Maybe for no reason at all. But I lost my job and after 13 years I am unemployed. Not sure how I should feel at this moment. I am unaware of what to do next. I am sure of one thing though, that I am a King's Kid and I can conquer anything.

In a total of two weeks I would have graduated with my masters, gotten married and fired from a job that I believed was my dream job.

It's my prayer during this time that my faith doubles and even triples in size. It's my prayer that I never forget who my God is. If anything this will be a big testimony to who God is and what he can do. I'm sure that me and my family will be OK, because my God can perform miracles. He can turn water into wine. My God is on the thrown.

Thank you God for providing me this opportunity to trust you and watch you work.

If there ever comes a time where my faith begins to fall Lord I pray that you pull me closer and remind me of who you are.

Love,

Your daughter

Marriage Monday's- Wedding Planning

Wedding Planning can be super stressful and can cause a lot of unnecessary heart ache. Here are 5 tips from my own personal experience with planning my own wedding.

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True Life: I Have Anxiety and Panic Disorder

When I was 12 years old I was molested by a family friend. Since then I have dealt with a really bad case of anxiety. For years I didn’t talk to anyone about what I was going through. I didn’t understand what anxiety was and how it even happened to me. I thought I was dealing this typical teenage girl problems, you know the mood swings, attitudes and crying all the time. I didn’t know what triggered my anxiety or how to stop it. So for nearly 7 years I hid my problem. If I felt a panic attack coming I would hide anywhere to keep my secret, places like  the bathroom, my bedroom or even a closet. I would sit for minutes even close to an hour trying to calm myself down. Sometimes I would be successful, others I just fought through it until I cried myself to sleep.

I realize that this may sound very foreign and confusing to some people, especially those who have never experienced this personally. So, I will attempt to explain what a typical panic attack for me is like.

::: I am sitting in church, not really paying attention to what is going on. My body is there but my mind is in a very dark and cloudy place. I’m thinking about my recent breakup with my boyfriend. Someone who I thought I would be with for the rest of my life. As I am thinking about the way the breakup happened, over the phone, my mind begins to run. Faster and harder. My heart is beating a thousand beats per minute. My hands are sweaty and shaky. The pit of my stomach has tied itself into multiple knots. My body burns with heat. My breathing is now uncontrollable. I hold my chest is tight and I am gasping for air. I feel like I am being strangled by someone unseen. Fearing that I will die I begin to sob. Sobbing turns into hysterical crying. I immediately get up from my seat and run outside. Screaming with pain and fear. I kneel down to calm myself. I hold my arms close, rocking myself until I  am at peace. :::

During my undergraduate years I can remember learning to control my anxiety before they turned into a panic attack. There were some moments where I slipped and things became a little difficult to handle but for the most part I was doing really well. I will say that the use of recreational drugs (marijuana), along with other forms of therapy (non-medicinal), significantly helped with my anxiety. By no means am I advising others who suffer from anxiety or panic disorder to use that method, I’m just saying what worked for me. Also, you are probably wondering why I never  took prescribed medication.  I am the type of person that does a lot of research and I wasn’t conformable with the side effects that some people were experiencing from these prescribed medications. So, I took the holistic route. This method of treatment  obviously ended once I graduated college.  After college, while in AmeriCorps NCCC, I can specifically remember having one very bad panic attack. This was earlier on in my service year when a very close family friend of mine passed away. Thankfully I had a tremendous amount of support from my AmeriCorps NCCC team and I was able to go to them when I felt my anxiety coming back. Another thing that helped with my anxiety was exercising. Anytime I felt my anxiety getting bad I would immediately go for a walk or run. This activity allowed me to clear my head and level myself.

Now, you are probably wondering why I am writing about this now. A few weeks ago I noticed that my anxiety level has been a bit higher than normal. Initially I thought it was post vacation blues. Then when the anxiety occurred daily I became a lot more concerned about it. To be honest I did have a lot on my mental plate. I was dealing with a little heartbreak, worried about my professional future and I was dealing with some major issues with my birth father. Unfortunately, my anxiety got the best of me and I had a really rough two weeks.  I have had five panic attacks in the past two weeks. Last Thursday I cried for my entire 40 minute subway ride to work and  all day at work. That is when I realized that I needed to address this problem head on and stop denying it.

I choose to hide my anxiety and panic disorder because it makes me feel weak, alone and like no one understands me. I also feel like I’m never going to get better. I fear that this will interfere with every aspect of my life from professional to personal. However, after seeing a counselor about what was going on it was evident that I deal with this.

So here I am dealing with it.

Living Up to Your Parents Expectations

My mom and I in 2007

Often times parents raise their children so that they can be better than they were and have a better life. We as children don't have the opportunity to choose our parents or even decide how we will be raised. As a child my mom would always warn me to do better than she did and not make the same mistakes.

Hearing that so often made me feel as if whatever I was doing wasn't good enough. I got good grades in school but did she want great? l worked several jobs but should there have been more? I helped With my sisters but was I not good role model? Those were the thoughts I had as a kid. Not so much my thoughts now, Now, I try my hardest to give my sisters advice that they can use and learn from my experiences. Usually they don't listen but i still try,

My mom was a single parent of four girls and started having children at a very young age. That is something I will always respect her for, because to this day I have no clue how she put up with me and my sisters. As the oldest sister I had a lot of responsibility and many times I felt that I wouldn't live up to the standards that she had for me. Most times I would get "The Talk" from my mom I would sit and think, "How in the world am I going to keep up with all these thing?" In the same mindset I would try to figure out how I can live up to my own expectations. At one point I just gave in and forgot about what I wanted in life.

Now, as an adult I still wonder if I am living up to my mothers expectations. Although I have never asked her what she expects from me, I wonder if I am where she dreamed of. I make it a point to keep in mind if my mom would be happy with decisions that I make. I'm not saying that I have never done anything that will make her unhappy but I still think about how she will feel.

I find it very difficult to balance pleasing your parents and pleasing yourself. I find it even harder to choose between the two. Now, in my life I am learning to choose my happiness over others, even my parents. It's not that I don't want to please my mother it's just that I know if I am not happy within myself I can be happy for others around me. Everything that I do has to be for the benefit for me and the life that I live. The life that I am not only living for myself but also my future family.

Living up to your parents expectations can be scary but I believe it takes a strong person to stand up those expectations when they don't fit into their life. If a parents respects their child and the growth that they will experience they will respect that resistance and support them.

One thing that I love abut my mom is that she has always supported me, even when she didn't agree with that my decision was. We don't always agree but we always make a way to understand where each other is coming from. 

My First Time- Living with My Boyfriend~NappyNikki Vlogs

I recorded this video about a week or so ago. I hope you guys enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vR42BQONg9M

God Given Love

I have spent the better part of the last 3 years evaluating things and learning more about myself and what I want in life. Not specifically professionally, more so personally and spiritually. I have only been in one serious relationship, which was during my teenage years, and after that breakup I really wanted to make sure that the next person I let get that close to me was God sent. Now, if you aren't a spiritual person you may not understand what I mean by that, but just bear with me and I will try to explain it for you.

I felt that when I was dating I wasn't consulting to God about the men that I had chosen. I was in college and felt that I had to try different types of people and see what my interest was. I went through the thugs, preps, sporty, super religious, non religious, pretty boys, frats and all other different characters. Now, I never made any of those guys my boyfriend, they were merely potentials. The issue that came up was that I didn't know who Nikki was. I didn't know what I wanted in a relationship or even what to expect. I had always compared every new guy with he previous one and eventually fell on my face every time. So after college I decided that I wouldn't get into any serious relationships until I did some serious soul-searching. That lasted for about a year and I was ready to dip back into the dating scene. Then I hit a wall last year.

I was living and working in DC at the time. Had a few potential guys here and there, some good and some very bad. I even tried online dating for the first time. After a couple of crazies, being stood up (3 times) and booty calls, I began to get discouraged. I thought that I would never meet the right guy. I mean I was wreck last year. Guy after guy I was being disappointed. It felt like I was taking a thousand steps backwards. If you ask my cousin, the one person who really knew details, she would say that I was a mess. At that time I thought it was going to be impossible for me to be loved. Sounds depressing but that's how I felt.

Fast forward to a year later aka present day.

I am living and working in NY. This is something that I have wanted all my life. I worked very hard to get here and I am very proud of myself. My confidence level is high, I am secure within myself and I have no doubt of where I want my future to go. I met a few guys and went out on a couple of dates but nothing seemed to catch my attention long enough to remember their names. Eventually I stopped actively looking for men and just laid back. However, this doesn't mean that I would turn down a cutie or two. lol Anyway, so I am at work and I need to contact a coworker at another campus, one that I had left the previous day. I sent this coworker an IM requesting some work related information. After a few minutes I realized that I was taking pictures of this guy yesterday and never knew his name. (Well, he never formally introduced himself to me.) I got the information that I wanted and then I figured I would keep talking to him since I was new at the time. I can be a very sociable person, so it's very easy for me to start a conversation with someone. I continued to ask questions about him and where he was from. You know the general questions you ask someone to get to know them. I had no intentions of this conversation going any further than normal coworker chit-chat. However, after a two days of questions he asked me for my number. (Which I claim to be the action of who asked who out first, lol.) I of course interested in him by now gave him my number and we continued our conversation outside of work. That was a Wednesday, that Friday was the weekend of my birthday and I actually had a date that night. (Which turned out to be a dead-end.) We talked all that weekend, finding out that we had a lot of similar interests, spiritual wants, common present day and future desires.

That Monday morning at work we talked as just like we did the days before. Around noon he sent me a message asking me if I wanted to go out on a date. I was totally not prepared to go out on a date. I had work clothes on my hair wasn't what I would've wanted it to be and I had on no makeup. But for some reason I was really intrigued by this guy. So, I said yes. We met up after work in Grand Central station and immediately I noticed that he was really handsome and tall, both being a major plus. We started to walk towards Time Square to catch a movie, I unfortunately got us lost and we ended up at Red Lobster having dinner. Our conversation ranged from college days, religion, past relationships, food, music and much more. You name it we talked about it. It was such a relaxing and carefree date. It was also my first successful dates in a very long time. And by successful I mean that I didn't get stood up.

After the date we walked over to Bryant Park, which was lit by moonlight and tree lights. We walked, talked and shared more about ourselves. One thing led to another and he plants this very sweet, strong but soft kiss on me. A kiss that let's you know that he had a great time and plans on seeing you again. Needless to say its been almost 6 months and we have been together everyday since.

The point of my story is that you never know who God has out there for you. I had no clue that a small conversation with a coworker would lead to the blessings I have right now. We both had prayed for each other and never even knew the person we were looking for was right under our nose. God truly made all this happen in the way he wanted it. As humans, specifically Christians, we can sometimes forget who the real boss is and try to plan our life for ourselves. In this case, I have stepped aside and let God be my life planner and I have to say I like the direction he is headed.

If You Could Read Her Mind

If you could read her mind what would it tell you?

Would it tell you what you want to hear? Her mind can be tricky sometimes. Hell it even fools her. Her mind would reveal things to you that you may not be ready to hear. You reading her mind would take you through a maze of emotional stir. Leading you to dead ends and roundabouts.

Normally this is where she would spill her heart and tell you how she feels. But there is no need for that, right? You can already read her mind. What she can say is that  her mind is happy when you make surprise visits. When you listen to her ramble about random thoughts her mind is grateful. When you cook delicious food her tummy is happy. When you pray together her spirit is lifted. After a workout her body is sore, but soon will be happy. When she looks in your eyes and knows that she can trust you her heart is filled with joy. Her mind would tell you that since your first date she hasn't stopped smiling. She feels safe when you hold her tight. She dances to the simplicity of your beat. She feels proud when you talk about our dreams and aspirations. She feels strong standing by your side.

If you could read her mind then you would know that she is...

Fly Music Friday!!

http://youtu.be/jM_3dr1IQzA

Calico Panache- Diggin' You Remix

Looking for some new and eclectic music? Then search no more. Here is Callico Panache with a new video for their song Diggin' You.

These are some wonderful ladies that I had a chance to grow with in college. They started out as a dream and are now living it! So click on that video and watch for yourself!

Thanks for the love!

nikki

5 Ways Technology Destroyed Dating

5 Ways Technology Destroyed Dating

Hi everyone,

I have been away for a while but that's only because I have been doing some writing for a website called LadyChoices.com. Here is the link for my latest article. Be sure to check out more of the website if you are interested.

I'll be back later this week with a new post. Until then, ENJOY!

"I am not a to...

"I am not a toy that you can play with when you're bored or lonely or horny. I am not the girl the guy gets at the end of the movie. I am not a fantasy. If you want me, earn me! Until then, we are done."- Olivia Pope

a woman scorned

loving you isn't suppose to hurt me. i am suppose to feel the safe and secure. except i feel nothing but fear and agony. i don't know how much more i can give. i know things about you that you have no clue of me knowing. but i love you in spite of. your actions don't deserve the love that i give you. your actions don't deserve me. i love myself too damn much to be pulled, mangled and dangled. i am a great woman with a shit ton of potential and if you cant see that then there is something is wrong with you. not me. i love you, but loving you doesn't mean i have to be with you. if you want me, come get me. i refuse to chase anyone that doesn't want to be kept.

Why Does She Stay?

Every woman has been in a relationship with a guy that she should not be with. It may not be a relationship, even having a potential boyfriend around that shouldn't be there is toxic. Recently I have been dating/talking to several guys, guys I all like equally. Now, to be clear I have been single for over 3 years and I am now stable enough and ready to be in a relationship. So while dating I am looking to date someone with the same intentions. Unfortunately, not everyone I am seeing is on the same page as me and I haven't gotten rid of those that aren't. It is also sad to say that I am not the only woman in this position.

Every last guy that I am currently talking to at the moment is not only emotionally unavailable but they aren't even looking to be in a  relationship. So of course you are wondering, "Why in the hell are you still dating/talking to them?" I can honestly say for two of them we have been friends for years and I would feel terrible if I just cut either one of them out of my life just because we can't be together. Having love for someone doesn't equal to being in love with them.   However, that doesn't mean that  deep in the back of my fairytale mind I haven't thought of the possibility of me spending my life with one of them. I thankfully know that this will never happen. It sounds terrible but its very true. The other guy, a newer dude I met since living in NYC, has recently let me know that he is not emotionally ready to be in a relationship. Now, we have been going back and forth for months with our "relationship" and it's starting to get annoying. We always have a good time when we hang out, we get along very well and have great chemistry. But again, if I want to be in a relationship and he doesn't at the moment, why am I still seeing him? I have no freaking clue! Which is why I am writing this. I really need a white board to be able to sort out all my thoughts and weigh my pros and cons.

Note: I started writing this post last week and the guy that I talk about in the above paragraph is no longer in my life. He has once again gone ghost. Three strikes and this guy is definitely OUT!

Whenever I think about situations like this I always wonder if I am the only woman who questions why she stays. Over the years I have had plenty of late night conversations with girlfriends on this much heated topic. We sit and talk about the shitty things that these worthless men we allow in our lives do but we never ever do anything about it. We never demanded that they do more and be better toward us. We never keep our so-called standards and make sure that we settle for less. We allow ourselves to bend and break just to have a taste of what we think happiness is. This baffles me. Why do we as women allow this? What makes these men so deserving of our time? Is it stupidity? Is it loneliness? Denial? Do we enjoy the drama? Perhaps we think we can change them. Whatever the reason we must do better.

I always find it difficult to cut someone out of my life. No matter what the person has done, I still find a small place in my heart to forgive and keep them around. However, I have recently learned that I can't allow for this same behavior to continue. Forgiving doesn't always mean you have to forget, nor does it mean you have to allow them to make the same mistakes again. It doesn't mean that I don't forgive them just the same, it just means that I have to be more aware of how it affects me.

Now that I have come to these personal realizations I can only hope that other women can do the same.

My Father is a Registered Sex Offender

http://youtu.be/F1B7fkLdzcY

Check out what's new on my channel! Thanks for watching!

I'm Sleeping w/ My Brother and Other Confessions

I'm Sleeping w/ My Brother and Other Confessions

Check out what's new on my channel!

i am weak, i am...

i am weak, i am small, i am poor, i am broken

i may not be strong
but every ounce of strength i have
i will use to hold you
as tightly as i can.

i may not be tall,
but i will take you higher than you have ever been
where there is no color, race, fear, or pain
and all is filled with beauty, love, and hope.

i may not have money,
but i am rich in love, and happiness, and soul
and i will share everything i have with you
each second i am by your side.

i may not have been whole,
but that was only because
i did not have my souls twin to complete me,
i had not yet found myself in you.

Laney Mejias

Hurry Up and Get Married!

At what age should a woman get married? Is it right out out college? Before 30? This question has to be the bane of my existence. Since college all I hear from friends, family, colleagues, random grocery store clerks and even coworkers is when am I going to get married. It's a question that is damn near annoying and invasive. In case these people didn't now, I am not God. I cannot see into the future nor have I ever been good at placing bets. So the little five word question that they feel necessary to muster from their lips should stay within the confines of their brain.

I realize that I sound pretty angry but I have every right to feel this way. Let me explain. I can count on both hands and feet how many high and college classmates who are either engaged, married, or married with a kid (including puppies). Double that number and that's how many times I've been asked about my marital future. That's 39 times too many in my opinion. The insane part of all of this is that  I am not even in a relationship. I'm just as fresh as a hot pan of country cornbread. I haven't had a boyfriend in the past four years. That number may seem pretty high to some people, but I take who I commit myself to very seriously. So I just don't call every guy I talk to my boyfriend after a week of texting and emoticons.  I prefer to take my time and really get to know the person I am considering to be my life partner.Life partner? NappyNikki you were just talking about dating, how did you get to life partner? Well, in my opinion the whole dating game is about finding that one true partner. Whether people want to admit it or not that's everyone's goal.

I am 24 years old, I've had 1 serious boyfriend and maybe dated, a term I use very loosely, 3 guys. And now everyone I know assumes that is is time for me to settle down, get married and start making mini me's. Just the other day a few coworkers asked me if I ever thought about it and if I hadn't I need to soon. I'm only 24 years old! Just shy of my quarter life crisis' mark. What's the rush? Why do I need to do it right now? Is the Messiah coming? Is there a shortage of men? If so, will those same people start encouraging me to marry a woman? (Not that I am against it.) All I'm saying is that if you are going to advise someone to do something, you better give them a good reason why. And even them I'm not going to move at the pace you want me to.

Now, by no means am I against marriage. I very well would love to enjoy and experience that agape love. I want a family and just recently realized that I want children. I want everything that people question me about on a daily basis and more. However, I don't want it to be forced. I don't want to feel like I have to marry someone just because we have dated for more than 5 years. Or have a baby because my biological clock is ticking and I definitely don't want to feel as if I have to marry someone just because they got me pregnant. This is not a movie where I had a one night stand with some random guy from a bar, he got be pregnant and now we have to force a relationship that probably never would have happen it if weren't for six shots of tequila and outraged hormones. This is my life and I take it very seriously.

So to all those lovely souls who wish me a never ending magical Disney fairy tale filled with lots of kids, baked goods and and endless supply of sappy moments. Pump your breaks! Let there be a boyfriend before you start picking out wedding dresses and nursery colors.

i don't enjoy video games, so why would i play yours

Remember that guy Dude? The one I met a month before I moved to NYC and the one who disappeared for a month. Well, it seems as if he might have to take an L, that’s a loss to those of you not hip. I know your probably wondering, “Why, what happened?” But as expected he has dropped the ball once again.

To give a little background, the last time I saw him was last Monday and since we both work in Manhattan I decided to make an effort and see him while we were both in the city at once. It wasn’t anything special just a short casual visit. As I was getting ready to leave he says that he wants to take me out to dinner over the weekend. I don’t show it then but I get excited saying to myself, “Finally, this nigga is stepping up.” Needless to say the weekend came and it went and I had no dinner, call or text. I believe it was Sunday night that I actually spoke to him. I had two missed calls from him 12:30 am and 2:17 am, so I guess I should say Monday morning. I returned the phone call because what could be so important for you to call me at 2:17 in the damn morning. As it turns out, wasn’t shit important. I asked what happened to the dinner plans and all he said was, “I’ll tell you in person”. In person? What the fuck is that about? Then he goes on and on to make promises about shit that he know wont happen. I proceed to reply to each statement with an “Uh huh.” or a “Sure.”

I have never been the type to make a big deal out of small things. Mainly because I hate drama and the only piece of drama that allow to enter my life are reality shows. I also can normally be more patient than the average person but there are times when I reach my limit of acceptable bullshit. So, unfortunately I have to let this one go and get his shit together. I have been patient enough, kind enough and needless to say a very understanding woman about this whole thing. I don’t believe in kicking a person while they’re down so I will just quietly leave this situation while it is still in a somewhat good place.

Now, I have decided that instead of thinking of the worst possible scenario like…maybe he dropped his phone on a subway track. Or maybe he was pushed on a subway track. Maybe he is married and forgot to tell me. Maybe he wasn’t sure that I was sure that he was sure that he wanted to date me. Maybe the one time we had sex was too amazing for him to handle for a second time. Maybe he didn’t like that I don’t eat animals. Maybe he was waiting for the perfect time to cancel on me for the second time. Or maybe he just couldn’t stand to be happy….oh what the hell, I will think the worst possible thing. It would be ass backwards if I don’t.

I will however take a lesson, several lessons, away from this entire situation. They are as follows:

1. If a guy tells you that his last girlfriend cheated on him but there is no way he is still pissed by it, don’t listen to him. He just said that so you can think that she didn’t take his balls when she left with his heart.


2. If a guy repeatedly cancels plans with you and then acts like those plans never existed, act like you forgot too.


3. If a guy calls you at 2:17 in the morning with some bullshit about why he stood you up, put the phone on speaker so that you and your girlfriends can laugh at his ass.


4. If a guy always calls you with the “I just woke up voice” pretend as if you dropped acid right before he called.


5. If a guy insists that he forgot your last name even though your name and number are both saved in his phone, he probably is telling the truth because he’s an idiot.

Don’t misunderstand me people, I did like him. I also still find him very sexy. However, playing games and wasting my time is something I don’t appreciate or tolerate. I have always been a very vocal person and that will never change.

what your woman talks about when you're NOT around

WARNING: The following content may be offensive to some people. Read at your own risk.

The following is a small piece of a conversation between a group of girlfriends. I thought it would be interesting to show how women act when its just them and their girls. The conversation is very much real, but the names have been changed to respect everyone’s privacy.

Enjoy!

Erica:So u guys I swallowed last night!!

Olivia:OMG! How was it? I hope you put him on a diet prior to this.

Erica:It was not as bad as I thought!! No bad taste or anything!! U just have to do it real quick and no just spare of the moment

Olivia:lol yeah, i needs a vegetarian. cause i can’t fathom what meaty sperm must taste like.

Jessica: OMGizzle really? Lmao at meaty sperm Olivia

Erica: Yes Jessica it’s quite arousing

Tasha: Yall are crazy lol

Jessica:Oh ok well lol I have also done it like twice, it does make you feel sort of pornish but it isn’t as bad as I thought it would be

Tasha:Talking about all this swallowing and lusting after fine men and what have you lol

Erica: Lol!! Ok!! So as we all know I’m a freak!!

Olivia: Lol hey girl (Tasha) this single life can bring some interesting thangs. some you want and others you just gotta tell like it is.

Tasha: Im like 50/50 it depends on what mood im in….if i wanna drive his ass wild i would swallow

Erica: We were in bed watching TV and all of a sudden I got horny!! So we started with the normal making out…kissing and grinding!!! So off went the clothes!! Well we normally will do 69 but last night I wanted to please him because when I got off work the house was clean, he had ordered the food and paid for it all I had to do was pick it up!! So felt the need to show my appreciation with something new!! So the sex was so heated that I desired to have his dick in my mouth!!! So I gave him head!! I’m talking about made the nigga whine!! I sucked balls and even licked down by his asshole!! He was shaking well he keep saying about to nut!! Normally

I will catch it and spit but I was so caught up in the moment that I swallowed it!!

Then he ate my pussy like it was going out of style!! Next thing I know we were fucking up against the wall!! Shit was intense!!

until there's a ring on it

Sometimes you have to just roll with the punches and see how things will turn out.

It is a known fact that I am a single female living in NYC and eagerly awaiting for my prince charming to come in a sweep me off my feet. It is also a known fact that the McDreamy’s and McSteamy’s aren’t flooding the streets. So instead of waiting for that part of my life to begin I will continue to have the fun that I am obligated to have.

I currently have two men in my life that I would without a doubt consider potential boyfriends. I have been friends with the first guy for about 6 years.  I will call him Guy. We met during my college years and immediately clicked. We have a pretty interesting history and have definitely been there for each other during some crazy times. For about a  year we lost touch but for the past year we have been talking more and getting our friendship back to where it used to be. Now this all sounds happy and magical but I failed to mention that he lives 3500 miles away from me. Yes, 3500 and it will be that way for a few years. I have always cared very deeply for Guy, but our timing has never been perfect. Plus, we are such great friends that I don’t even think labeling our friendship or forcing it into something that it’s not is the best idea.

The second guy is the new kid on the block. I like to call him “dude”. I met Dude a month before I moved to NY. He is absolutely everything that I am looking for in a man. He is very tall, buff, funny, responsible, handsome, smart and a very hard worker. He is also the sweetest thing ever. We talked on the phone for about a month before our first date and after meeting him on our first date I liked him even more. Since then we talked everyday and hung out quite often. That was until the day before Thanksgiving. We were scheduled to go out on a date. A date that I planned and made reservations for. We talked two days prior and everything was ok and still in check. However, when the time came for us to go out he was a no show. Not a call, text or even a fucking smoke signal. For days and at least two weeks I tried to contact him. I honestly didn’t know what to think. Was he not interested? Did he die? What? So after two weeks and I didn’t hear from him I gave up. I took it as a lost. Now it is a little over a month later and he suddenly pops back up and we are back at square one. (I would go into full detail about what happened with him for that month but that’s too much for right now, but it obviously wasn’t anything that made me no longer interested.) I was really feeling him before so why not see where are friendship goes. The point is that now we are starting over, which in some aspects is bitter sweet for me. But it only makes sense.

Besides those two there are other random men that I meet on a daily basis, people on the street, in the gym, and at functions; but none of them are anything special.

Some people would consider the above information a bit scandalous. Fortunately, I believe that myself and women alike have every right to be that way. If a woman doesn’t have a boyfriend or husband then they have every right to weigh there options and make a wise choice on who would be the better mate for them. There is nothing than being in relationship with one person and thinking about what could have been or should have been with someone else. Now I’m not saying that I am making sexy time with more than one guy at one time, although the NY guy and I have had sex once and I most certainly wouldn’t mind a replay.

But like I said, until there’s a ring on it I am just going with the flow.