5 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Get Married

You Hate Being Single and..He Asked

Everyone has been in a relationship that they are sure they shouldn't be in. The person is not 100% right for them and they don't really seem like the type of person you want to spend your entire life with. Many people stay in relationships only because they have a fear of being alone and single. Trust me, I have been one of those people and it is no way to live. Saying yes to a marriage proposal out of fear that it will never happen again is VERY WRONG. It will benefit you in the long run that you take more time and not get into something you're really not ready for.

An Unexpected Pregnancy 

Ahhh, you found out that the guy you met 2 months ago at the bar got you pregnant and you have no idea what to do. Marriage is not the answer. This may go against many peoples religious beliefs but marriage will not make the fact that you had an unplanned pregnancy go away. Your pregnancy is something beautiful and sacred and should not be taken lightly. Use that time of your life to prepare for the child that you are about to introduce to the world. If the father is the right man for you indeed discuss growing your relationship at another time, not due to the fact that you got knocked up.

For the Relationship to Improve 

If you are in a rocky relationship and you feel that you need to make some changes to get it back on track getting married should be the last thing on your mind. Getting married requires a lot of thought and dedication. There are more life altering things to take into consideration when deciding to make such a large commitment. Instead of thinking marriage will fix all the problems try correcting the issues first then discuss marriage. You want to make a big decision like that once you are in a good mind space and emotions are not driving your decisions. 


You're In Love 

Being in love is a wonderful thing. It can make you feel like a person can do no wrong and life will be perfect. I learned a long time ago that every couple will go through an infatuation phase. That phase where his messiness doesn't bother you and her loud snoring is cute. The phase where you don't get bothered by her taking hours to get ready for a date or even his inability to inform you on social events. There is nothing wrong with going through this phase, in fact it's joyous to experience. The most important thing to realize is that this will wear off and reality of life will set in. If you can not only love but like your partner for all that they are you will be in a good place. Before quickly jumping to marriage be sure that the infatuation phase of your relationship has passed.


You Want a Dream Wedding

This, in my opinion, is by far one of the worst reasons to get married. Most women grow up dreaming about their wedding day. What her dress will look like, what color the flowers will be and even how the day will be planned. However, not many wishful brides consider the man, or woman, they will be marrying. The good news about wanting a dream wedding is that anyone can have one and in whatever way they choose. Don't settle for the Wall Street banker because he promised you a no budget wedding. Think about your life afterwards and if a dream wedding is really worth a lifetime of sadness.

Whatever reason you choose to say I Do, be sure that it has been a well thought out plan. Taking the step to get married is a big one and you don't want to end up one of those people that it takes a lifetime to figure it out!

i don't enjoy video games, so why would i play yours

Remember that guy Dude? The one I met a month before I moved to NYC and the one who disappeared for a month. Well, it seems as if he might have to take an L, that’s a loss to those of you not hip. I know your probably wondering, “Why, what happened?” But as expected he has dropped the ball once again.

To give a little background, the last time I saw him was last Monday and since we both work in Manhattan I decided to make an effort and see him while we were both in the city at once. It wasn’t anything special just a short casual visit. As I was getting ready to leave he says that he wants to take me out to dinner over the weekend. I don’t show it then but I get excited saying to myself, “Finally, this nigga is stepping up.” Needless to say the weekend came and it went and I had no dinner, call or text. I believe it was Sunday night that I actually spoke to him. I had two missed calls from him 12:30 am and 2:17 am, so I guess I should say Monday morning. I returned the phone call because what could be so important for you to call me at 2:17 in the damn morning. As it turns out, wasn’t shit important. I asked what happened to the dinner plans and all he said was, “I’ll tell you in person”. In person? What the fuck is that about? Then he goes on and on to make promises about shit that he know wont happen. I proceed to reply to each statement with an “Uh huh.” or a “Sure.”

I have never been the type to make a big deal out of small things. Mainly because I hate drama and the only piece of drama that allow to enter my life are reality shows. I also can normally be more patient than the average person but there are times when I reach my limit of acceptable bullshit. So, unfortunately I have to let this one go and get his shit together. I have been patient enough, kind enough and needless to say a very understanding woman about this whole thing. I don’t believe in kicking a person while they’re down so I will just quietly leave this situation while it is still in a somewhat good place.

Now, I have decided that instead of thinking of the worst possible scenario like…maybe he dropped his phone on a subway track. Or maybe he was pushed on a subway track. Maybe he is married and forgot to tell me. Maybe he wasn’t sure that I was sure that he was sure that he wanted to date me. Maybe the one time we had sex was too amazing for him to handle for a second time. Maybe he didn’t like that I don’t eat animals. Maybe he was waiting for the perfect time to cancel on me for the second time. Or maybe he just couldn’t stand to be happy….oh what the hell, I will think the worst possible thing. It would be ass backwards if I don’t.

I will however take a lesson, several lessons, away from this entire situation. They are as follows:

1. If a guy tells you that his last girlfriend cheated on him but there is no way he is still pissed by it, don’t listen to him. He just said that so you can think that she didn’t take his balls when she left with his heart.


2. If a guy repeatedly cancels plans with you and then acts like those plans never existed, act like you forgot too.


3. If a guy calls you at 2:17 in the morning with some bullshit about why he stood you up, put the phone on speaker so that you and your girlfriends can laugh at his ass.


4. If a guy always calls you with the “I just woke up voice” pretend as if you dropped acid right before he called.


5. If a guy insists that he forgot your last name even though your name and number are both saved in his phone, he probably is telling the truth because he’s an idiot.

Don’t misunderstand me people, I did like him. I also still find him very sexy. However, playing games and wasting my time is something I don’t appreciate or tolerate. I have always been a very vocal person and that will never change.

until there's a ring on it

Sometimes you have to just roll with the punches and see how things will turn out.

It is a known fact that I am a single female living in NYC and eagerly awaiting for my prince charming to come in a sweep me off my feet. It is also a known fact that the McDreamy’s and McSteamy’s aren’t flooding the streets. So instead of waiting for that part of my life to begin I will continue to have the fun that I am obligated to have.

I currently have two men in my life that I would without a doubt consider potential boyfriends. I have been friends with the first guy for about 6 years.  I will call him Guy. We met during my college years and immediately clicked. We have a pretty interesting history and have definitely been there for each other during some crazy times. For about a  year we lost touch but for the past year we have been talking more and getting our friendship back to where it used to be. Now this all sounds happy and magical but I failed to mention that he lives 3500 miles away from me. Yes, 3500 and it will be that way for a few years. I have always cared very deeply for Guy, but our timing has never been perfect. Plus, we are such great friends that I don’t even think labeling our friendship or forcing it into something that it’s not is the best idea.

The second guy is the new kid on the block. I like to call him “dude”. I met Dude a month before I moved to NY. He is absolutely everything that I am looking for in a man. He is very tall, buff, funny, responsible, handsome, smart and a very hard worker. He is also the sweetest thing ever. We talked on the phone for about a month before our first date and after meeting him on our first date I liked him even more. Since then we talked everyday and hung out quite often. That was until the day before Thanksgiving. We were scheduled to go out on a date. A date that I planned and made reservations for. We talked two days prior and everything was ok and still in check. However, when the time came for us to go out he was a no show. Not a call, text or even a fucking smoke signal. For days and at least two weeks I tried to contact him. I honestly didn’t know what to think. Was he not interested? Did he die? What? So after two weeks and I didn’t hear from him I gave up. I took it as a lost. Now it is a little over a month later and he suddenly pops back up and we are back at square one. (I would go into full detail about what happened with him for that month but that’s too much for right now, but it obviously wasn’t anything that made me no longer interested.) I was really feeling him before so why not see where are friendship goes. The point is that now we are starting over, which in some aspects is bitter sweet for me. But it only makes sense.

Besides those two there are other random men that I meet on a daily basis, people on the street, in the gym, and at functions; but none of them are anything special.

Some people would consider the above information a bit scandalous. Fortunately, I believe that myself and women alike have every right to be that way. If a woman doesn’t have a boyfriend or husband then they have every right to weigh there options and make a wise choice on who would be the better mate for them. There is nothing than being in relationship with one person and thinking about what could have been or should have been with someone else. Now I’m not saying that I am making sexy time with more than one guy at one time, although the NY guy and I have had sex once and I most certainly wouldn’t mind a replay.

But like I said, until there’s a ring on it I am just going with the flow.

Make Yourself Seem More Available

WHAT IN THE HELL DOES THIS MEAN?!

So I reacted a little crazy to that, but I mean come on. What does that even mean? To make myself seem more available. Should I be wearing a sign that says I’m available? Should I put that as my FB status or tweet it every now and then? That has to be one of the most vague and unnecessary statements anyone has ever made to me. And when they said it, I think I gave them that same response. I actually didn’t want to hear what they had to say, I just forgot about it and went on about my business. Or so I thought. 

I found myself thinking about that statement a few days later and still I had no answer to it. To my knowledge I thought I did come off as available. I believe that I give off the “I’m Single.” vibe. I also believe that I have a lot of availability qualities going for myself. I’m a college grad, very active, huge people person, I don’t have anything/ anyone tying me down (i.e. kids, super busy job, family, etc.) and on top of everything I like to believe that I have some great things coming to in the near future. So why am I still single people wonder. That’s just a question that I can’t answer and don’t feel like I have to. 

To make things a bit more interesting someone, a male, said to me a while ago that I need to date more often. Now I could have given that person an ear full of four letter words. But instead I said, “You do realize that a decision like that is not up to me to decide. I actually have to be asked out by someone, in order to date more.” I think some men forget that little fact. By the way I use the word more very loosely, because quite frankly I don’t date at all. The hilarious part about all of this is that, none of this bothers me. It bothers others. Yes, other people get uncomfortable by that fact that I don’t date. Crazy, right?

After thinking about that statement I started to think if I had ever asked a guy out. Since I did say that the only way for me to go on a date was for someone to ask me out. It reminded me of Guy from “I Just Want Some Booty Part 1”. I remember one day I got off work early, around the time he did and suggested that we go get some drinks. I thought it was a good idea since he always talked about us doing things together. But he surprisingly turned me down. Well, he actually said, “No thank you, but I would love to go out with you some other time.” (which never happened by the way) That right there was my cue to leave it alone. 

Whether I’m being asked out or I’m doing the asking it seems that something is missing in the equation. Cause either way I’m still without a date. But back to the topic at hand, I still don’t have a solution on making myself seem more available. But honestly I think I’m doing a pretty good job with whatever it is that I am doing. If the men that I come in contact with find that I’m not what they are looking for then there is no need to force a connection. And if the people in my life who feel that I don’t do enough to put myself out there then they’ll get over it. I can’t live my life for others and their happiness. If I did that I would be one unhappy chick. And I really don’t have time to be unhappy. 

The point is that I can only be myself. I won’t change over night and I won’t change just to make someone interested in me. I’m very confident in who I am and where I’m going. I’m also confident that there is a man who will be just as confident in me as I am in myself. 

So to anyone who thinks that I’m not doing enough and I need to make myself seem more available…chill out please and have a cupcake. 

nikki