God Given Love

I have spent the better part of the last 3 years evaluating things and learning more about myself and what I want in life. Not specifically professionally, more so personally and spiritually. I have only been in one serious relationship, which was during my teenage years, and after that breakup I really wanted to make sure that the next person I let get that close to me was God sent. Now, if you aren't a spiritual person you may not understand what I mean by that, but just bear with me and I will try to explain it for you.

I felt that when I was dating I wasn't consulting to God about the men that I had chosen. I was in college and felt that I had to try different types of people and see what my interest was. I went through the thugs, preps, sporty, super religious, non religious, pretty boys, frats and all other different characters. Now, I never made any of those guys my boyfriend, they were merely potentials. The issue that came up was that I didn't know who Nikki was. I didn't know what I wanted in a relationship or even what to expect. I had always compared every new guy with he previous one and eventually fell on my face every time. So after college I decided that I wouldn't get into any serious relationships until I did some serious soul-searching. That lasted for about a year and I was ready to dip back into the dating scene. Then I hit a wall last year.

I was living and working in DC at the time. Had a few potential guys here and there, some good and some very bad. I even tried online dating for the first time. After a couple of crazies, being stood up (3 times) and booty calls, I began to get discouraged. I thought that I would never meet the right guy. I mean I was wreck last year. Guy after guy I was being disappointed. It felt like I was taking a thousand steps backwards. If you ask my cousin, the one person who really knew details, she would say that I was a mess. At that time I thought it was going to be impossible for me to be loved. Sounds depressing but that's how I felt.

Fast forward to a year later aka present day.

I am living and working in NY. This is something that I have wanted all my life. I worked very hard to get here and I am very proud of myself. My confidence level is high, I am secure within myself and I have no doubt of where I want my future to go. I met a few guys and went out on a couple of dates but nothing seemed to catch my attention long enough to remember their names. Eventually I stopped actively looking for men and just laid back. However, this doesn't mean that I would turn down a cutie or two. lol Anyway, so I am at work and I need to contact a coworker at another campus, one that I had left the previous day. I sent this coworker an IM requesting some work related information. After a few minutes I realized that I was taking pictures of this guy yesterday and never knew his name. (Well, he never formally introduced himself to me.) I got the information that I wanted and then I figured I would keep talking to him since I was new at the time. I can be a very sociable person, so it's very easy for me to start a conversation with someone. I continued to ask questions about him and where he was from. You know the general questions you ask someone to get to know them. I had no intentions of this conversation going any further than normal coworker chit-chat. However, after a two days of questions he asked me for my number. (Which I claim to be the action of who asked who out first, lol.) I of course interested in him by now gave him my number and we continued our conversation outside of work. That was a Wednesday, that Friday was the weekend of my birthday and I actually had a date that night. (Which turned out to be a dead-end.) We talked all that weekend, finding out that we had a lot of similar interests, spiritual wants, common present day and future desires.

That Monday morning at work we talked as just like we did the days before. Around noon he sent me a message asking me if I wanted to go out on a date. I was totally not prepared to go out on a date. I had work clothes on my hair wasn't what I would've wanted it to be and I had on no makeup. But for some reason I was really intrigued by this guy. So, I said yes. We met up after work in Grand Central station and immediately I noticed that he was really handsome and tall, both being a major plus. We started to walk towards Time Square to catch a movie, I unfortunately got us lost and we ended up at Red Lobster having dinner. Our conversation ranged from college days, religion, past relationships, food, music and much more. You name it we talked about it. It was such a relaxing and carefree date. It was also my first successful dates in a very long time. And by successful I mean that I didn't get stood up.

After the date we walked over to Bryant Park, which was lit by moonlight and tree lights. We walked, talked and shared more about ourselves. One thing led to another and he plants this very sweet, strong but soft kiss on me. A kiss that let's you know that he had a great time and plans on seeing you again. Needless to say its been almost 6 months and we have been together everyday since.

The point of my story is that you never know who God has out there for you. I had no clue that a small conversation with a coworker would lead to the blessings I have right now. We both had prayed for each other and never even knew the person we were looking for was right under our nose. God truly made all this happen in the way he wanted it. As humans, specifically Christians, we can sometimes forget who the real boss is and try to plan our life for ourselves. In this case, I have stepped aside and let God be my life planner and I have to say I like the direction he is headed.

No Longer Starving for Love

So last night I received a late text from KC, a handsome fella that I am seeing, telling me about a sermon by Dr. Charles Stanley entitled "Starved for Love". After telling me that I should check it out I did so and listened to it the next day (today). I was initially a little confused on where the topic was going. However, after 5 minutes within the message I was immediately hooked.

Messages like this always come when you least expect it. KC and I have been seeing each other for about 2 months and things have been going well. We are trying to make it important to build a relationship that is pleasing in the eyes of God. Since this is something that is completely new to both of us we are finding it a bit difficult. Sometimes in my case overwhelming. Being in this very open and honest "relationship" has allowed for there to be very little room for doubt. Knowing that we are not perfect people, we fail and those failures can be a real drag when we are trying to accomplish something much greater than ourselves. But this is where the message comes into play.

Before this past year I know that I was starving for love. I am a fatherless child who has been abused physically, mentally, and sexually by 80% of the men that have been in my life. Time after time I would go into circles, dating the same type of guys and not learning from past mistakes and situations. I focused all of my time on my love life failing and what I was doing wrong. I was dating and picking men at the level of my self esteem. I needed to be picking a man that would lead, protect and pastor me. Dr. Charles Stanley lists 13 personality traits of someone who is starving for love, they are as follows:

1. Someone who finds themselves in Immoral Situations: When sex becomes a road block to genuine love, esp. when they do not understand what love is about.


2. Commit Crimes: A person will commit crimes because there is a deep yearning within themselves that is missing.


3. Lacks Self Love


4. Does excessive shopping to fill a void.


5. They are lonely.


6. They are critical of other peoples relationships.


7. Angry all the time.


8. Absorbed within themselves.


9. They try to buy love.


10. Overly Complimentary


11. Always in Agreement


12. Do whatever other people want.


13. Willing to make personal sacrifices to buy love

After looking over this list I found that I had quite a number of these traits a few years. Not all, but more than I would like to have. I was starving for a love that was false and ungodly. A love that would eventually hurt me in the end and I would be back to square one.

The wonderful thing about KC and my "relationship" is that we both have the same goals and wants in a relationship. Just as I want a man who can lead, protect and pastor me he wants a woman that can help him become the man of God that he is called to be. We acknowledge when we are feeling a certain way and are unsure about whats going on. The number one thing is that God is the center of everything and that his love shines through it all. I'm not sure of the ending of this story with KC, but I can say because God is in the midst of this I know its going to be one pleasing to the heart. It's only been two months and everyday I am becoming more blessed and beautiful because God has placed him in my life.

Looking back on it I am happy I went through those situations. My story isn't finished yet, but if I hadn't gone through those things I would have never met someone who I know I prayed  to God for a long time and who he himself gave to me. This thing is a work in progress and it takes a lot of patience, a lot of patience! All I can do is keep God first, love me second and be the best woman in Christ I know how to be.

Starving for love is of the past, now I can feast on it and become overwhelmingly full with joy.