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nikkigoesglutenfree:

One year later #naturalhair #anniversary #blowout

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nikkigoesglutenfree:

Kiss it ;)

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nikkigoesglutenfree:

I shall be trying something new very soon. #naturalhair

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nikkigoesglutenfree:

Hell yeah!! New record!

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Love this color! #fallcolors #nudeface

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nikkigoesglutenfree:

Good morning NY! #FALL

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nikkigoesglutenfree:

This is what it looks like to be waken up by annoying loud as neighbors!!!!! #pissed.

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nikkigoesglutenfree:

Housewarming gift from a family friend! Love it!! Thanks Ms. Veronica! #firstapartment

who's resposible for the rain coats?

Whether you are dating or just casually seeing someone, when it comes to the point point of being intimate who is responsible for providing the condoms? Typically you hear men being told to always have condoms on them. But what happens when the woman is the one providing them? How is she judged? And when you are first being intimate with someone (unplanned) and the guy has condoms is there an idea that he came knowing he was getting some booty? Or if he doesn’t come prepared does that make it seem like he isn’t prepared and not safe? What about women? If she is the one with the condoms does that mean she gets around? Or does it mean she is safe and believes in protecting herself? What is the protocol for this? Does it even matter who has them? I feel like as long as they are present in the equation then it really shouldn’t matter.

Right?

that shit i dont like..TAG

I don’t like when people question why I went natural. Like, does it really even matter to you why?

I don’t like when men expect every woman they meet to be a video vixen. Dude if that’s what you want then go get one. I’m proud to be normal.

I don’t like when people don’t say thank you after I give them a compliment. Uhh, you should be a bit more grateful. Compliments don’t come often.

I don’t like when people ask me why I’m not married. Like that’s just a dumb ass question.

I don’t like when people expect for you to read their minds. It’s not like I got a BA in Read Your Fucking Mind.

I don’t like when people make it a point to tell me I have a big butt. Clearly, I carry it around 24/7 so I know this already.

I don’t like when people try to judge me because I watch reality tv. My life is drama free and I like to keep it that way. So I will watch all the BGC, Basketball Wives, Love and Hip Hop and Jersey Shore I want. Who’s going to stop me?

I don’t like it when I have to tell a guy over and over that I’m not interested. Maybe I should start handing out instructions on how to understand that word no.

I don’t like when I have to detangle my hair…curly girl problems.

I don’t like it when someone blatantly lies to my face. That’s the quickest way for me the forget you ever existed. 

I don’t like it when I have to be in a place I don’t want to be. I feel trapped.

I don’t like it when people can’t accept someone else’s happiness. Like really? Be mad at your own damn self that your life is the way it is. 

Gotta Get that Swagg Back

So a few nights ago I was having a conversation with one of my good guy friends, Parris, and one statement that he made really got me thinking about my personal life and things that I would like to work on within myself. 

Here is the important part of our conversation. 

• Parris: Yeah but like i was saying the swagger that attracted me to you was like you not giving a shit if you had a man or not. And when I say your playing the awkward black girl role I mean your blaming what makes you Dom on a social status that’s not really known for bagging dudes. You gotta get that swag back. P.S IT WAS FUCKIN HAWT


• Me: Damn…That’s honestly one of the realist things someone has ever said to me. And its 100% true. I gotta get that back. I can completely understand where you’re coming from.


• Parris: I mean you have everything a guy wants but your just not showing that.


• Me:But how should I show it? I think that’s what I’m not understanding.


• Parris: Idk. But when the time comes everything should come out naturally :) 

After we had this discussion it really put some things into perspective for me. I couldn’t figure when my perspective on relationships and dating had changed. I have realized that since I have been back home many people have asked me whether or not I’m dating and when I plan on starting. I’ve even had people to say that I should start dating asap. Which is something that got and gets on my nerves and it eventually started to change my perspective on the topic. I mean just the other day I was asked if I was seeing someone. The questions about it never stops. And eventually I began to believe some of the things that are said. I started to think that I needed to be in a relationship and that I was incomplete without one. Which is of course all wrong! 

Before I go into some long drawn out rant about this I just want to say to all those married or non single people who think it is their duty in life to lecture singles about their personal lives, stop it! Instead of trying to dictate our lives why don’t you try to be encouraging to us. We don’t need you to remind us every chance you get that we are single. We know that. Besides, many of us are comfortable with our status. It’s the unnecessary comments of you annoyances that make matters worst.  So leave us be.

Since that conversation with Parris I have made it a point to get my “swagg” back. I also realized after talking to him that I was much happier in my personal life when I didn’t put much focus into being single. I very much enjoyed my life and everything in it. Now, I have allowed the voices of others to influence me and change my perspective on being single. Well, no more. I refuse to let others opinions affect my life. I’m getting that swagg back. Whether they like it or not.  

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Healthy progress before and after picture. 1 year apart.

People are often unreasonable, irrational, & self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some enemies. Succeed anyway. If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway. What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway. The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway. Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway. In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

Mother Teresa

The people who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, & becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn, feel, change, grow or love. Chained by his certitude, he is a slave; he has fortified his freedom. Only the person who risks is truly free.

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around. You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever. Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all. A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby. Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon. You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”
― Bob Marley

falling in love ain't shit, somebody tell me how to stay there

this is one of my favorite quotes from Love Jones. i mean it really makes sense. and is a pretty valid statement. people rave about how they fall in love with their Prince Charming or their Queen. but what happens when you realize that you actually have to work in a relationship. i think people forget that relationships just don’t happen, there has to be work put in from both parties for anything to be successful. i don’t know, maybe it’s just me but im not going to rush into something im not ready for. everyone thinking of getting into a relationship should think about if they’re are ready for it. many relationships fail because they are rushed and aren’t given the chance to organically bloom. 

my ED just told me that Republicans on the Hill hate me..

#awkwardmoment 

mr. dark chocolate chunk...that stood me up

About a month ago I met this guy at a bar. Well it was actually my birthday and he was working. Anyway, as I’m sitting at the bar enjoying my birthday drinks, yes drinks, I notice this tall chuck of chocolate eyeing me. So naturally I give him a little glance back just to let him know that I see him. And that I like what I see. A few more glances and smiles are exchanged before I pay my tab and head out. When I get up to leave, I hear this voice behind me saying, “Excuse me, miss.” I turn around to see who it is and it’s Mr. Dark Chocolate Chunk handing me a slip of paper and saying, “This is usually frowned upon, but I couldn’t let you leave without me giving you my number”. I smile, say thank you and walk away. ( In my head I was like hell yeah! Sexual chocolate!!) 

Walking out of the restaurant I open the piece of paper and it reads Ricky with a matching phone number. Now, by this time I’m a little tipsy so my thoughts are all over the place. I slip the number in my purse and proceed to go home. My day continues as expected I go out and enjoy my birthday just as expected (and some).

The next day I’m going through my purse and I find the piece of paper with the number of Ricky. I contemplate whether or not I want to use it, after about a minute I decide to give it a go. I sent a basic text of saying who I was and asking him how he was. A few hours later I receive a response that he was glad I contacted him. After a few days of chatting, he asked me out and I agreed. 

Now, the interesting thing about this situation is that I agreed to a late night date. (He had to work until 10) And by late I mean 10:30 pm. Usually I wouldn’t agree to such a thing but I’m trying to try new things and accept change. Naturally I was excited about the date. So I made sure hair was right, jeans fit just right and that every inch of me was in perfect condition. He was very attractive and our conversations before were nice, so of course I wanted to know more about him. 

After arriving 5 minutes late to meeting him, I received a text saying that he was running a few minutes, but I could come to his job and wait there. I didn’t feel comfortable doing that so I waited at the restaurant we were going to meet at. A few minutes come and goes and I’m still waiting. I text back and say what’s up, Im about to leave. He responds saying that he’s sorry he’s still trying to get out. It is now after 11pm (over 40 damn minutes later) and I’ve been waiting too damn long, and that’s something I would never do! He responds, “srry”. O_O What the hell is that?!?! I left that night and as I did, I deleted his number. That was such a sign saying RUN GIRL!! and FAST! 

Memorial Day weekend I get a text message asking me how Im doing. 

Hmm, better now that I’m not holding my breathe for your late ass! 

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Trying prints for the first time!

the fear and worries and what if thoughts are starting to sink in

bob vs. nature

Im always interested in knowing what peoples views are about adult toys. I come across many people who are afraid to talk about it, let alone think about it. One of my favorite R&B artist, Raheem DeVaughn, has a song called B.O.B, meaning battery operated boyfriend. In his song he talks about how a real man is better than a b.o.b. He has a few valid points. But I don’t know any man that would disagree with him. After listening to his song, I questioned whether Raheem was right. Now don’t get me wrong I enjoy a strong manly man’s loving just as much as the next straight woman. But when I’m not in a monogamous relationship, the real type of love that Raheem sings about is very much absent in my life. And single or not the body wants what the body wants. So in my opinion bob is sometimes better than the real thing. There are many benefits to having a bob. 1. You don’t have to worry about low performance. 2. There is no worry of sexually transmitted diseases. 3. No worries about satisfaction. I mean those are just a few among many, but you can see where I’m going. When a woman isn’t in a relationship, she should be free to perform self pleasure without the worries of someone else judging or looking down on her. Of course she isn’t going to be announcing it to the world, but among a group of girlfriends she should feel free. This topic is one that will forever be debated among men and women forever. Just thought Id put my opinion in.

Peace

Nikki

30 Things Every Woman Should Have And Should Know by 30

By 30, you should have …

1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come.

2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.

3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour.

4. A purse, a suitcase, and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying.

5. A youth you’re content to move beyond.

6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.

7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age — and some money set aside to help fund it.

8. An email address, a voice mailbox, and a bank account — all of which nobody has access to but you.

9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded.

10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry.

11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.

12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it.

13. The belief that you deserve it.

14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine, and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30.

15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship, and all those other facets of life that do get better.

By 30, you should know …

1. How to fall in love without losing yourself.

2. How you feel about having kids.

3. How to quit a job, break up with a man, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship.

4. When to try harder and when to walk away.

5. How to kiss in a way that communicates perfectly what you would and wouldn’t like to happen next.

6. The names of the secretary of state, your great-grandmothers, and the best tailor in town.

7. How to live alone, even if you don’t like to.

8. Where to go — be it your best friend’s kitchen table or a yoga mat — when your soul needs soothing.

9. That you can’t change the length of your legs, the width of your hips, or the nature of your parents.

10. That your childhood may not have been perfect, but it’s over.

11. What you would and wouldn’t do for money or love.

12. That nobody gets away with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, or not flossing for very long.

13. Who you can trust, who you can’t, and why you shouldn’t take it personally.

14. Not to apologize for something that isn’t your fault.

15. Why they say life begins at 30

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this is me..

yes i wear glass ALL the time. no i wont ever wear contacts. yes i enjoy cooking, gardening, and blogging. no that will never change. yes i prefer wearing flats over heels. yes my hair is kinky, coily, and sometimes wilder than me. yes at times im awkward. yes im black. yes i watch sappy movies.yes i love hard. and sometimes to a fault. yes i enjoy going to festivals, museums, and thrift stores. yes i like to bake and make homemade gifts. yes i go out of my way to make others smile. im not selfish. yes i tell too much sometimes. yes i enjoy talking a lot. yes im a vegetarian. yes i know im going to be be a magazine editor one day. yes i fantasize about living my life like Sid Shaw and Nina Mosley. yes i dance in the elevator when im alone. 

no you wont find me with my ass, legs and breasts hanging out, just to get attention. no you wont see me spending/living beyond my means just to impress people. no you wont see me bragging about what i have and what others don’t have. no you wont see me turn my back on people that i love the most. no you wont catch me backing down from anything or anyone. and no you wont catch me putting my dreams on hold for anyone. 

this is me. dominique ingram. awkward. black. ambitious. goofy. take or leave it. but im not going to change. 

peace 

nikki

Never ignore a person who loves and cares for you. One day you may realize that you’ve lost the moon while counting the stars.

Stephanie David Thoreau

currently being abused by socks…

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My mini organic veggie garden.

people you dont want to piss off (incomplete list)

your hairdresser/ barber

the mailman 

anyone preparing your meals

your IT guy 

an Asian

a black woman 

a baby 

your Gynecologist  

your butcher

your accountant 

your professor 

the UPS man 

a protester 

im in dance cardio class and there are about 20-25 people in the class. im positioned in the center right side of the classroom with 3 people on my left, 1 person in front of me, 2 behind me and 1 on the left. class starts and i feel a sweaty hand caressing my left hand. i awkwardly look at this chick giving her the “bitch move” stare. she on the other hand is so concentrated on trying to get her nonexistent hips to roll that she doesnt even notice me looking at her. through every song (which was about 5) this chick refused to move to her left, where she had 2 peoples worth of space next to her. yes i couldve moved to avoid all of this, but i was there first. and yes, thats childish but so what. as class went on i got annoyed with the constant contact of sweaty hands so i moved a few inches forward, putting me uncomfortably closer to the persons ass in front of me. there is 15 minutes left in class, im tired, annoyed and hungry. so i leave. 

i just Starbuck the shit of Nina’s ego.

ABG

that awkward moment when

you’re in the elevator alone, booty popping, then you get caught

that awkward moment when...

you try to flirt with a guy you like, do a sexy walk away, then trip

WHERE THE FUCK IS MY STAPLER!!!!!!

ABG

bitch i don’t know your life

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xH6Fmb8gexo?wmode=transparent&autohide=1&egm=0&hd=1&iv_load_policy=3&modestbranding=1&rel=0&showinfo=0&showsearch=0&w=500&h=281]

My Favorite ABG episode!

(Source: http://www.youtube.com/)

Life's Instructions

Found this on StumbleUpon.. my favorites are in bold. 

1. Have a firm handshake.


2. Look people in the eye.


3. Sing in the shower.


4. Own a great stereo system.


5. If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.


6. Keep secrets.


7. Never give up on anybody. Miracles happen everyday.


8. Always accept an outstretched hand.


9. Be brave. Even if you’re not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference.


10. Whistle.


11. Avoid sarcastic remarks.


12. Choose your life’s mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 per cent of all your happiness or misery.


13. Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out.


14. Lend only those books you never care to see again.


15. Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all that they have.


16. When playing games with children, let them win.


17. Give people a second chance, but not a third.


18. Be romantic.


19. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.


20. Loosen up. Relax. Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems.


21. Don’t allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It’s there for our convenience, not the caller’s.


22. Be a good loser.


23. Be a good winner.


24. Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret.


25. When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go.


26. Be modest. A lot was accomplished before you were born.


27. Keep it simple.


28. Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.


29. Don’t burn bridges. You’ll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river.


30. Live your life so that your epitaph could read, No Regrets


31. Be bold and courageous. When you look back on life, you’ll regret the things you didn’t do more than the one’s you did.


32. Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.


33. Remember no one makes it alone. Have a grateful heart and be quick to acknowledge those who helped you.


34. Take charge of your attitude. Don’t let someone else choose it for you.


35. Visit friends and relatives when they are in hospital; you need only stay a few minutes.


36. Begin each day with some of your favorite music.


37. Once in a while, take the scenic route.


38. Send a lot of Valentine cards. Sign them, ‘Someone who thinks you’re terrific.’


39. Answer the phone with enthusiasm and energy in your voice.


40. Keep a note pad and pencil on your bed-side table. Million-dollar ideas sometimes strike at 3 a.m.


41. Show respect for everyone who works for a living, regardless of how trivial their job.


42. Send your loved ones flowers. Think of a reason later.


43. Make someone’s day by paying the toll for the person in the car behind you.


44. Become someone’s hero.


45. Marry only for love.


46. Count your blessings.


47. Compliment the meal when you’re a guest in someone’s home.


48. Wave at the children on a school bus.


49. Remember that 80 percent of the success in any job is based on your ability to deal with people.


50. Don’t expect life to be fair.

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Happy Friday!!

clamminess at its finest

i have always had clammy hands. not to the point where they are soaked, but just enough to bother me. and enough for me to have to drag my hands along my pants once or twice a day. i didnt think it was a problem, i actually thought it happened to everyone. you know when you’re nervous, hot, when you’re typing, and even eating hot food your hands sweat. normal right? well…

anywho, i was talk to Ivory (my cousin) the other day and was complaining about how clammy my hands were. She, being the detective that she is, quickly looked up information on exactly what my hands problem was. here are the details:

Name: Palmar Hyperhidrosis

Cause: Primary cause of Palmar Hyperhidrosis is unknown, but there are some surgeons that claim it is caused by sympathetic (haha sympathetic) over activity. Also, nervousness or excitement can intensify the clamminess.

Possible Treatments:

1. Aluminum Chloride- stuff used in deodorant


2. Botox- which you would have to get every 4-9 months


3. Oxybutynin- which is an anticholinergic drug (I had to look that up) that has side effects of drowsiness, visual symptoms and dryness of the mouth.


4. Lastly, you can just have those puppies removed, and by puppies I mean your sweat glands.

Other stuff: There are also cases were Palmar Hyperhidrosis can create devastating emotional effects on a persons life. Most affected people are constantly aware of their clamminess and try to avoid situations were they could possibly be embarrassed. They avoid touching objects and humans. Having a job in culinary would be difficult because they would run the risk of knives slipping out their hands. If they had a job that required a background check they would have a difficult time getting finger prints. They would have to constantly wipe things down if they worked in sales and they would find difficulty playing an instrument.

now, with knowing all that information, i began to double think this little moist problem of mine. (btw i hate to say the word moist, but typing it is not so bad) although it sounds horrible, there is definitely an upside to this. im in an elite group of people. about 2.8% of Americans are affected by Hyperhidrosis. that made me feel special. i began to feel a little better about it and embrace it. i’ll just try to avoid doors, people, fingerprint scanners, computers, cellphones, bottles, pens, animals, food, knives, faucets and humans.

peace

nikki

p.s. as i wrote this i dried my hands approximately 20 times.

 

why are YOU whispering?

i was out to dinner the other night, and the topic of racism in the movie Hunger Games came up. i wasn’t aware of the details of this news so one of the women i was with started to explain it to me. as she started to explain it her voice got really quiet and she continued to speak in a whisper. i immediately became confused. mind you this chick wasn’t black and other than me the only other black person in this Vietnamese restaurant was our friend sitting next to us. so i couldn’t understand why she was whispering. 

when i got home i started to reflect on that conversation and how it went. and as I’m reflecting on it, i couldn’t figure out why this chick whispered when she started talking about racism. i kind of got the feeling that she was either afraid to talk about it or embarrassed to talk about it. which i think is the main problem with some of the non African American race. they think that they have to put the topic of racism on the hush hush and beat around the bush about. to me that’s down playing it and not making it an issue when it needs to be an issue. why did she find it necessary to whisper it? i hope she didn’t think she had to do it for me. i don’t mind having a discussion on racism. i think its healthy. down playing it and making it seem like its not a problem is where i draw the line. 

i wish more people, black or white, would be proactive about discussing the issues of race in America. its sad sometimes that when I’m around a mixed crowd of friends and conversation gets serious voices start to lower and opinions begin to disappear. its sad. but you can’t change everyone. 

but to all my friends and readers who are afraid to talk about racism, try to be more verbal about it. i mean at least show that you care. 

peace

nikki

Issa Rae Telling It Like It Is!

Issa Rae Telling It Like It Is!

get back

these cookies are NOT for free

so what

so what im addicted to cleaning velcro 

so what i think pickles should be the only vegetable that the human body needs.

so what i lose every chap stick that i buy a week after i buy it

so what i laugh more than i cry

so what i cry

so what i like to go into detail about unimportant things

so what i think reese cups are my therapist 

so what im an egg eatin’ vegetarian 

so what i like to watch ocean documentaries, to make myself more comfortable with the large bodies of water

so what i brush my teeth 3 times a day

so what i dont watch the news as much as i watch reality tv 

so what i think snooki is the coolest girl ever

so what i have a rock and button collection

so what ive seen love jones well over 100 times 

so what…

is there something on my face

as humans we are bound to look at another person. maybe to admire something they’re wearing or even just to admire them. its natural. i do it. what i don’t like is when people look at you like they have a problem with you. i mean they stare for a good while. for example im on the train this morning and there is this man. who’s handsome might i add. so we exchanged a few glances. that’s normal. but a few stops later a lot of people get on. there is a woman, maybe the same age as me. black and carrying a big box in her hand. i noticed from behind her that the way she had her hair styled was really cute. but that’s her hair. it was so many people on the train that she couldn’t have seen me look at her hair. i have looked away and went back to making sure that i don’t miss my stop. but a few seconds later this chick is staring straight in my face. and its not a friendly look either. it was one that could’ve been personal. she actually had a poop face on. maybe she had to poop. i don’t know. but that’s just one of those things about people i just don’t understand. if you’re going to take the time to stare at someone, a stranger at that, try to smile or at least smirk. cause giving a complete stranger the stink eye or poop face is totally uncalled for. but if you’re giving the poop face and you really have to poop, maybe its best that you don’t share that with the entire world. 

just saying.

peace…nikki

Mr. F-Off: Part 2

Monday afternoon 

Guy: Hey 

Me: Hi 

Guy: What are you doing?

Me:Working 

Guy: Where do you work?

Me: Nonprofit in DC. 

Guy: How are you doing today?

(too busy at work to respond)

few hours later

Guy: What are you doing after work?

Me: Im off, at the gym right now. 

Guy: K cool 

Guy: What are you doing after work?

Me:…..

Guy: gym

Me: Home

Guy: k cool

Me:……

Guy: So you want to go out this weekend?

Me: Uhhh sure

Guy: So you want to go out this weekend?

Me: You must be anxious or something?

Guy: No, why?

Me: Because you keep asking a lot of questions and repeating yourself.

Guy: No, that’s just me.

Me: Hmm ok 

Guy: Apologies

Me: That’s cool 

Guy: So we can meet up sometime this weekend?

(thinking to myself, you just did it again!!!) 

Me: Friday is best for me. 

Guy: Ok cool, its a date then. 

Me: So, what you have in mind for Friday?

Guy: Maybe going to get some ice cream or something. 

Me: Oh…ok 

Guy: Is that ok?

Me: I wouldn’t have exactly picked that, but its fine. 

Guy: What else did you have in mind?

I never respond and the conversation is over…I need to consult with Ivory on this one. 

So, after I talk to Ivory (my cousin), we go through the entire situation and I come to the conclusion that I don’t have any interest in going out with him. It has nothing to do with the fact that he wanted to do something that I didn’t. Just the entire situation was crazy form the beginning. Asking me if I was a virgin, repeating everything, asking me to be his girl and then telling me to look somewhere else. I actually lost interest in him a after the virgin question. But after talking to someone about giving second chances I felt that was necessary. I also felt that I couldn’t do to someone what has happened to me more often than not. Reject him. But Ivory had to make me realize that I wasn’t obligated to accept is offer. And that it was ok that I didn’t like him. So then came the time to tell him I didn’t want to go out anymore. Now, I know all too well that how you tell someone you’re not interested is the most important part of telling them. So I made sure that I chose my words wisely. After a couple of ideas came up I finally settled on “Im not interested in going out anymore.” There it was and I quickly pushed the send button before I started to second guess myself. Within a minute I recieved a message that said, “Whatev fuck off.”

I honestly couldn’t do anything but laugh, delete the messages and go in with my night. All the while feeling very happy that I didn’t go out with him. Ah well, we live and we learn.

peace

nikki

I hate walking in the bathroom knowing that the previous person took a poop and I have to suffer for it.

Mr. F-Off: Part 1

Friday Night

Guy: I would really like to take you out.

Me: Ok, that’s cool. 

Guy: Great, so next weekend is fine?

ME: Yeah, that’s perfect.

Guy: So, I can come pick you up for dinner?

Me: I’d rather we meet at the restaurant.

Guy: Ok, that’s fine. 

Guy: Are you a virgin?

Me: (thinking to self…WTF?) Why do you want to know that?

Guy: Jw

Me: What does that mean?

Guy: Just wondering.

Me: Oh…

Guy: Apologies 

Me: Do you ask all the women you meet this question? 

Guy: I already apologized for it, so I don’t want to dwell on it.

Me:……

Guy: So, how many other people are you seeing?

Me: Ummm, Im not seeing anyone at the moment. 

Guy: Ok, can we date?

Me: But we hardly know each other.

Guy: Im not asking you to be my women. I just asking if we can date.

Me: (thinking to myself: thats the same damn thing) Well, we’ll do that next weekend. 

Guy: Ok, what happened to your last relationship?

Me: (thinking to myself: whats with all the damn questions) It was over 3 years ago, long distance didn’t work out. So…yeah. 

Guy: What do you want in a relationship?

Me: I’m not looking for a relationship. Are you?

Guy: Yes, and if you just want to play around and not have anything serious like me then you might as well look somewhere else.

Me: (thinking to myself: you contacted me) 

Deletes number and messages, back to Food Network and enjoying my damn night!

Confirmation that NY is the place for ME!

So last summer I applied to GWU graduate school for Public Admin. This was also around the same time that I applied to Pace University in NYU for Publishing. Anyhow, I applied to both and hadn’t heard back from neither school by October. So in an effort to relieve myself of some stress I called to get an answer.

Let me make something clear that Pace University has been my number one choice since my sophomore year in undergrad. I didn’t develop a liking to public admin until I joined AmeriCorps.

Back to the story, so one day after work I called Pace to find out if I gotten accepted. It had taken so long that I started to dismiss the idea that I would ever get in. I also didn’t think that highly about it because it has one of the best Publishing programs in the country which makes it very competitive. Anyway, so I called and got someone on the phone. I asked when were decision letters going to be sent out and the woman asked for my name and social security number then told me to hold. (I guess at some point I should say that Im in a public library while making this call, huh?)

As I’m on hold so many thoughts are running through my mind. Most of them are the different ways that they are going to say why I didn’t get in. Others are what in the hell am I going to do with my life if I don’t get in. I could go back to being a waitress, or I could become a nanny, I could go back to South Korea and teach. Yeah…that sounds like the better plan. I refuse to be stuck in her not doing things that I want to do. I start to go to far in my random thinking so I bring myself back and concentrate on the crappy music the play while your on hold. (Did I also mention that I hate being on hold for more than 1 minute?)

The woman came back to the phone and said, “Miss Ingram, is looks as if they have just  made a decision and…” (I feel like I am going to piss my pants at this point.) “…you have been accepted to the Masters in Publishing Program for the Fall of 2012.” Out of shock, disbelief and plain ole ignorance I say, “Shut up!” Now, I know that was a bad response but you have to understand where I’m coming from. I was expecting this woman to tell me that I didn’t get in. I was prepared for rejection. I didn’t have a reaction ready if I were to be accepted. My next move was that I just started crying. Haha typical….

After I asked the woman 2 more times if she was sure that I got in I was finally convinced that I wasn’t being lied to. I got off the phone, packed my things and left the library. There was now way I would be able to function with that news. No way! I left the library, made all my important calls and then cried again. I was just left in shock. I couldnt believe that something I felt impossible became undeniably possible.

Now for the past few months I have just been waiting for time to pass by and prepare myself for this new life. Then I realized that I had forgotten that I applied to GWU. At this point I didn’t really care to know if I had been accepted or not. I mean I was accepted into my number pick, nothing else mattered. But in the back of my mind I wanted to know if I got in. Ironically a few days after I was thinking about this I received an email from GWU informing me that a decision was made. So, I log into my account and click on the decision button. Up pops a letter stating that I did not get in. Now, normally I would be bummed about not getting in. But I was elated! When I read that letter it just made me want to be in NY ever more than before. 

This may be difficult for people to understand but for a long time I have wanted to be in this program. I have wanted nothing more than this. To be in NY and work in a field that I am most passionate about. And now that I get to live my dream and start taking the steps to my future and towards my goals, I will let nothing or no one stop me from getting there. I know that in August my life will change and Im ready for it. I just hope its ready for me. 

peace

nikki

A Polite Jackass

Sitting with some friends we were discussing different characteristics of being a jackass. Now this may sound strange but it was really an interesting conversaton. When it comes to me and someone being a jackass, I understand it. People are unhappy with certain areas of their life and out of anger they choose to take it out on others. Whatever….now im not implying that they are like that all the time, just at some point in their life. What I dont like is when the jackass has truly offended someone, aware of the offense and doesnt acknowledge it. Now I know some people wont agree with me on this and say that its never ok to be a jackass but honestly Im not looking for others opinions, this rant is just for me. I do know one thing though…if i was the one being offended by the jackass they would know.

So to all you seldom jackasses out there, try to own up to it sometimes and make an apology for once.

peace

nikki

Ive been away for a week but it feels much longer than that. Work has been slightly busier than normal and I was away in Pittsburg for a conference. But there are so many things I want to talk about. To keep this post from being a bitch rant I will break it up. So enjoy “How to be a polite Jackass” next…

Peace

nikki

that awkward moment

when you’re taking a poop at work and you think you’re the only person in the bathroom and then you hear someone else doing the same exact thing

when you are walking in a crowd of people then suddenly you’re flat on the ground

when you are humming a song to someone and then at the end they still have no idea what song it is

Respect, is there an age limit?

As children we are taught to respect our elders. From the moment that we can talk, we make sure that we say “Yes ma’am.” or “No sir.” To do as we are told no matter what. And if we dont, well you know the rest.

As Ive gotten older that principle has never left my mind. But I have begun to question it. As those children get older, does the respect for them increase? When do those children, who have grown into adults, begin to recieve that respect that they were taught to give?

To me the focus is taken off of the title of elders and children. It turns into human and human. Often times older adults forget that we young adults have feelings and emotions just like they do. That the things they say about us and to us can sometimes be harmful. Yes, we pretend to be tough and act like it doesn’t bother us. But let me tell you there is nothing worse than being ijudged and disrespected by people who you all your life did everything to please them.

I don’t want to make this long but its just on my mind. Respect is such a strong word that is so weakly used.

All I want is for it to be given and recieved equally.

peace
nikki

circumsize your heart

snip whatever it is that’s keeping it from being used properly…

Reese's Replacement

About a year ago I met this guy while I was in AmeriCorps NCCC. Initially I didn’t even know who he was. I just knew that he was on the team of my team leaders boyfriend. We had done a few projects together and even worked side by side, yet I didn’t know who he was. And this is not because I was ignoring him it was just the fact that he was really quiet. I honestly don’t remember him ever saying a word, well not to me at least. Anyway, our teams went out to dinner once and we had a little conversation but nothing serious. What I did notice about him was his ability to make me laugh. 

Anyway, our teams had received new projects and so we didnt see each other for 2 months. But one day he contacts me and begins to show an interest in talking to me. He was very sweet about it, so my interest grew just as quickly. Our friendship quickly grew into a spiral of a mess. Good, great and bad. Being in AmeriCorps together created an understanding between the two of us. And like many AmeriCorps romances that develop while you’re serving, the length and actuality of it is never really clear. But for some reason I like to think the opposite.

Although our relationship is best just being friends, I know this person will always be apart of my life. Even more so now, because we will be living in the same city later this year. But he remains to be this person that I can trust. That I can be myself and look completely stupid and not feel embarrassed or ashamed. He is the friend that I can say what I really feel and not judge me. The friend that when I need to hear the truth he tells me. The friend that gets mad at me for something stupid I do, but doesn’t hold it against me. The friend that I hope to grow old with. So that one day we can look back on all of this and have a good laugh. 

The point is, humans always feel the need to quickly dismiss people from their lives, especially when things get tough. Its like they give up after one failure. We build up this mentality that we don’t need people in our lives. And that’s total BS. I don’t know what I would be without certain people in my life. I will never pretend like I don’t need someone. As humans we mentally and emotionally need the comfort of other to get by. That’s that human nature. 

I have grown to love this person for more than what he shows me and what others may say about him. I love him because of what I know he can amount to. The man that he is growing in to. One that has a good heart and sweet soul. But he knows…

if youre a goof, im a goof

nikki

ITS NOT ABOUT BEING skinny

Over the past year and a half I have changed my lifestyle in many ways. First, one that I cannot control is that I was diagnosed with Celiacs Disease, that forces me to change everything that I eat. But as far as exercise and being active goes that’s nothing new. I have always been an active person. I’ve never been known to just sit on my ass. But what I want people to understand is that, this new lifestyle that I have chosen for myself is not to get to a certain weight or to get skinny. Its not to impress someone. Its not for any particular event or outfit. I do this for my health. This is not some get skinny quick scheme then in a few months I have to back track and start all over. It has taken me two years to make the progress that I have made. A the two years have not been easy. But like anything new it takes practice and persistence to see results. 

I was happy and confident at 230lbs, but I wasn’t healthy. Now, 52 lbs lighter,I’m happy, confident and most importantly HEALTHY. I think people forget about the important health factors that humans are faced with. There is diabetes, heart disease, lung disease, cancer, ulcers, tumors, hypertension, and thyroid problems that run in my family. Many of my family members and and other people that I know that die at an early age or have to live a very medicated life due to these very distinct diseases. I even have friends my age who are diagnosed with some of these same diseases and of course they can be genetic  but a lot of the times its due to poor eating and lack of physical activity. And its not always people that are to be considered medically overweight, obese, or morbidly obese. These things can and do happen to people who are “naturally skinny”.

That’s why its important to become aware of these things. Not obsessed. Educated yourself on nutrition and how to become physically active. All it really takes is that first introduction to a healthy lifestyle. Trust me once you start to feel good on the inside and out, once you start seeing changes in your body that will be all the motivation you need.

I don’t want to come off as ungrateful for the compliments that I have been receiving, because I am grateful.

I’m getting really tired of talking about this and it will take me much longer to talk about whats important than this post.  

be happy, be healthy…

nikki

im telling you cause you wanna know

so i work out like any other young active adult. and one of my main workout areas that i want to improve is my booty. by no means am i lacking in the booty department, i just want to make it better. anyway, ive been trying new workouts (zumba specifically) and i would just like to report that booty is getting right. yes its nice to have a booty but to have a firm booty, just makes you feel good. i won’t go into explicit details, but im just saying. 

im happy with my progress…

nikki

Make Yourself Seem More Available

WHAT IN THE HELL DOES THIS MEAN?!

So I reacted a little crazy to that, but I mean come on. What does that even mean? To make myself seem more available. Should I be wearing a sign that says I’m available? Should I put that as my FB status or tweet it every now and then? That has to be one of the most vague and unnecessary statements anyone has ever made to me. And when they said it, I think I gave them that same response. I actually didn’t want to hear what they had to say, I just forgot about it and went on about my business. Or so I thought. 

I found myself thinking about that statement a few days later and still I had no answer to it. To my knowledge I thought I did come off as available. I believe that I give off the “I’m Single.” vibe. I also believe that I have a lot of availability qualities going for myself. I’m a college grad, very active, huge people person, I don’t have anything/ anyone tying me down (i.e. kids, super busy job, family, etc.) and on top of everything I like to believe that I have some great things coming to in the near future. So why am I still single people wonder. That’s just a question that I can’t answer and don’t feel like I have to. 

To make things a bit more interesting someone, a male, said to me a while ago that I need to date more often. Now I could have given that person an ear full of four letter words. But instead I said, “You do realize that a decision like that is not up to me to decide. I actually have to be asked out by someone, in order to date more.” I think some men forget that little fact. By the way I use the word more very loosely, because quite frankly I don’t date at all. The hilarious part about all of this is that, none of this bothers me. It bothers others. Yes, other people get uncomfortable by that fact that I don’t date. Crazy, right?

After thinking about that statement I started to think if I had ever asked a guy out. Since I did say that the only way for me to go on a date was for someone to ask me out. It reminded me of Guy from “I Just Want Some Booty Part 1”. I remember one day I got off work early, around the time he did and suggested that we go get some drinks. I thought it was a good idea since he always talked about us doing things together. But he surprisingly turned me down. Well, he actually said, “No thank you, but I would love to go out with you some other time.” (which never happened by the way) That right there was my cue to leave it alone. 

Whether I’m being asked out or I’m doing the asking it seems that something is missing in the equation. Cause either way I’m still without a date. But back to the topic at hand, I still don’t have a solution on making myself seem more available. But honestly I think I’m doing a pretty good job with whatever it is that I am doing. If the men that I come in contact with find that I’m not what they are looking for then there is no need to force a connection. And if the people in my life who feel that I don’t do enough to put myself out there then they’ll get over it. I can’t live my life for others and their happiness. If I did that I would be one unhappy chick. And I really don’t have time to be unhappy. 

The point is that I can only be myself. I won’t change over night and I won’t change just to make someone interested in me. I’m very confident in who I am and where I’m going. I’m also confident that there is a man who will be just as confident in me as I am in myself. 

So to anyone who thinks that I’m not doing enough and I need to make myself seem more available…chill out please and have a cupcake. 

nikki

EbonyandIvory Convos: Memory vs Imagination

Last night my cousin and I had about a 4 hour conversation. It bounced back from one topic to another, but to make this less complicated I’ll just talk about the post title. 

Ever think about your childhood or anything particular that happened in the past and try to figure out if the event actually happened or if you just imagined it? For my senior thesis in undergrad I wrote a mini memoir and I found myself often questioning whether or not my memory was correct. I know that I didnt have to worry about whether the stories were true or false. But its just something that I think about. Its also not something to lose sleep over. 

I guess I just wanted to share that. It was on my mind and so I said it…

talk you to you guys later…

Fear

Everyone has a fear, whether it’s of an animal, an idea, a person, or even the thought of something. People often refer to fear as false evidence appearing real. But is it really false? Is it possible to actually fear something that’s truth? Something that actually is in front of you every day and you lack the courage to confront it. I, like many others, have fears. But in this instance I’m not talking about animals or heights. I’m talking about the fear of being loved. It may sound uncommon, but I honestly feel like there is a such thing. I fear that I will never be unconditionally loved. And I don’t mean by family or friends, I mean by a man. I have contemplated this feeling and fear for a really long time. Questioning whether I am being melodramatic or if this is really how I feel. At this moment in my life I feel that’s possible. I have had about a handful of man friends in my life thus far, and only one of those was an actual “boyfriend/girlfriend” relationship.  That relationship was 3 years ago. But not to dwell on that, I have not come to the realization that I will ever meet someone that will give me that unconditional love. Everyone deserves love that expects nothing in return. No one deserves to have never experienced that kind of love. I feel that every person I have had some sort of connection with that love or even compassion never existed. Is there supposed to be a person in your life that teaches you how to receive or spot unconditional love? If so, I’m still waiting on them to arrive. 

I guess what I’m saying is that its hard to believe in something that I can’t see. Or even feel. But who knows what wind is going to blow my way. I’m young, I have plenty of time for “Mr. Right” to come along. But until then I’m just chilling.  

While writing this I’m thinking, this sounds pretty depressing, but everything in life isn’t skittles and rainbows. (I hate skittles) But that’s the beautiful thing about life, if you’re blessed it allows you time to grow and overcome such fears. 

Good thing I’m working to be more patient on things I can’t control. 

peace, 

nikki

Hi I'm with Sexy---->

So since I moved back to the DC area I have been in search of a gym. Especially since mother nature has felt that she can become a wind storm at any given moment. I have been running (like almost everyday running) since October 2010, but when I first started I was in California. I know I know, why in the hell did I leave California? I was in AmeriCorps NCCC for a year (another story) and so I had been running in that beautiful weather for a year. Unfortunately I can’t get that same luxury over here on the east coast. Needless to say, I found a gym on Monday, joined on Tuesday and been every day since. Its Thursday by the way. I’m telling you, I laughed today and thought I was going to spit up skittles. There are some muscles you just don’t use when all you do is run. Now I’m not a gym rat by any means, but I enjoy the act of working out. It makes me feel good, especially when I know what I’m doing is going to pay off in the end. The point of this random post is that I’m getting my gym groove back. 

On a side note, I was on the elliptical yesterday and this lady a little under 5 feet got on this machine next to me, and was damn near on Lance Armstrong’s level. I mean she was gone and there I was just all regular and shit. But that’s cool cause I’m proud to be a regular gym user. I won’t pretend like I’m some super macho elliptical extraordinaire. As a matter of fact I’m going back to my lovely treadmill today. Hmm… 

Let me go, so I head out to the gym again. I tell you one thing, sore or not I know I’m going to get my monies worth! ttyl!

nikki 

Just want Booty Part 1

I was at my brothers job last year, mostly a friendly visit. While I’m there he introduces me this guy whom I will call Guy. My first impression was that he was really tall, quiet, and good looking. But that was it. We spoke, he went back to work and I went on my marry way. Now, I can’t lie and say that I wasn’t physically attracted to him. I was, but other than that I knew nothing about him. And I didn’t get any hint that he was interested in me.  My brother tried to be match maker and say, “…maybe you can exchange contact information and hang out sometime.” This of course made the situation awkward, I mean he didn’t even allow that connection to happen organically. Which is the way I think relationships are supposed to happen. NATURALLY! There is nothing worst than being in a “relationship” that was forced to happen.  Anyway, I left that day without the exchanging of goods. The weekend rolls around a my brother says that Guy asked for my email. Honestly, that shocked me. But I accepted it for what it was. I met him on Friday, he emailed me on Monday morning. He was very kind and respectable in his emails. We had emailed that whole day, having the usual get-to-know you conversation. Very casual, and relaxed. By the end of the day he asked for my number so that we could talk more later. I did so, and we did. Over the course of the next 1-2 weeks, we talked almost everyday, he would text me the generic “good morning beautiful” or “sweet dreams gorgeous”. Now mind you, we never actually had a phone conversations, nor did we ever meet in person. Until, a second time I had gone to my brothers job. I told Guy that I was going to be up there and he said “Call me when you so and we can meet up.” I agree and then think that this would be our first post introduction face to face meeting. I wasn’t nervous, but I was excited. After talking to him for 2 weeks I had really gain somewhat of a like for him. But I would consider myself old school. I like to meet people face to face and actually spend time together. Back to the story, when I arrived at my brothers job and when I called Guy to tell him I was there, he seemed a bit shy, compared to his typical outgoing personality via text. Anyway, I got to the office and he was DULL! Barely spoke to me, don’t really think we spoke more than 5 words to each other. After I left that day, I was a little disappointed. Why you ask? Well, because he was charming while we were texting and to get the cold shoulder was a little unsettling. But whatever, we were just friends so technically no bells and whistles were owed. 

PAUSE

I feel like I need to take a break from this, so I’ll tell you the rest later. I promise there is an end to this story. I just can’t get to it today… 

later

nikki

EbonyandIvory Convos

If you know me, you would have to know a little something about my relationship with my cousin Ivory (I wont say her real name, its some crazy folks out here). Anywho, if you don’t know a lot about me, let me explain this intricate relationship. We are about 3 years apart, she’s older, but if you saw us I doubt if you could tell. Our mothers are sisters which obviously makes us first cousins. We grew up together and also went to college together. Although I moved away when I was 12 we still stayed close. I say all that to say, we talk often, and by often I mean like almost everyday. Our conversations last from between 5 minutes and 3 hours. Talking about education, spiritual life, relationships, food, relationships, fashion, entertainment and did I mention relationships. But we laugh, cry, scream and back all over again. There is never a conversation where we don’t feel like we really got to the core of something. I think sometimes we need to record our conversations. I’m telling you our talks get deep. So, I’m deciding to share them. So every now and then I’ll give you all a Ebony and Ivory convo debrief. Maybe you’ll like it, maybe not but its here if you want it.

There’s a beauty that lives so deep inside each of us.
There’s a fickle eyethat doesn’t believe anything it sees.
There’s a benefit in love that erases all doubt and believes good intentions.
There’s an ear that isn’t free enough to give the honest man the benefit of the doubt cluttered by lies not-mentioned.
Since when is creativity subject to criticism?
When is honesty subject to a jury of fears who wouldn’t believe rain if it fell, or sun if it shined?
Sometimes a flower grows when no ones watching.
Sometimes a bird sings and no one hears.
There’s a meadow no one runs on and a cloud no one names.
And what would the sky be with out the sun?
What would the earth be with out its rose?
They’d still be the sky and the Earth.
So perhaps there is a peace in becoming.
Perhaps the meaning is in the experience and not the sight.
Maybe a flower grows because it suffocates under ground.
Whether or not she is always noticed, beauty must become.
She doesn’t look for an eye.
She doesn’t listen for a voice.
She just becomes,
For Freedom Not For Beauty.

Chrisette Michele

Because I Said So

There is always a moment in your life where you think, “Am I supposed to be thinking like this? Do other women go through the same shit as me?  Or am I just the one person that all the random, delusional, unfortunate shit happens to? If I told somebody this I wonder what they would think?” If you’re reading this and shaking your head like nope that never happens to me…you’re LYING. Everyone has those 15 seconds of “..WTF?! I can’t believe this is happening!!” But then there are some people who are afraid to say what’s going on, because of what someone may think. I think that’s one of our number one problem. We are afraid to say what we feel, think and sometimes do for the fear of what other’s may think. How do you know that there isn’t someone out there thinking the exact same thing you’re thinking? You don’t. So say it! Shout it! Sing it! Write it!

You may be thinking, so get to the point of your blog…yes it’s called about NoSexandTheCity and yes its a pun on Sex and the City, so what I like that show and movie. But let’s get something straight, my “love” life or hell life period is not as active as those women, but that doesn’t mean I can’t talk about it. So I will. And anything else I wish to talk about. That’s allowed. Right? Ehh whatever, just continue to read, maybe you’ll get to know me a little more. Maybe you will hit a revolution in your own life. I don’t know. What ever it is just enjoy it! Why you ask?

Because I Said So

nikki