Everyone Argues

I come from an extended family of a lot of fights (verbal and physical). As a child I didn't realize that what my family was doing was not normal or at least healthy. I thought all of my friends families were just like mine. Little did I know what was my norm was not normal.

The reason that I am bringing this up is because the other day my fiance and I were having a conversation about something. I don't remember exactly what we were talking about but the conversation started to move towards an argument. Now, I don't mean break off the engagement argument, I just mean the kind of discussion that shows that even as a couple we can have extreme differences. Just a few days ago I got into an argument with some friends about decisions that I had made in regards to my wedding day. It didn't get to a point to where we were yelling and cursing each other out but it was an argument. They had a different thought and feelings on the decision that I made. My sisters and I used to fight all the time. They always thought I was trying to mother them and steer them in a better path than they were going. We would argue about the most simple things and they would last for days. However, out of all these arguments the one that bothers me the most is the one with my fiance.

When we started dating we rarely had heated discussions. I guess that is because we were still in the infatuation phase. I don't think that infatuation has completely gone away but we have learned more about our differences as time moves on. Many of our arguments comes from one of us not completely understanding what the other is trying to express at that moment. We often deal with the fact that women and men really do think totally on the opposite end of the spectrum. In our pre-marital counseling we learn a lot about communicating and how as humans we will naturally disagree on things. Like, if our kids should go to private or public school, how often we should go on vacation, how is suppose to do what chores around the house, how much money each other spends and even about clothes that the other chooses to wear. None of these topics are abnormal but they all, when discussed for too long, make me very uncomfortable. I cry every time we get there and I hate it. It really bothers me that I can't have a normal argument without tears welling up in my eyes. Nevertheless, I  truly believe that since i grew up in a family were arguing was a second form of communication I developed a serious sensitivity to it. So much so that I avoid arguing or fighting with people at all cause. I would rather be wrong than create an argument based on something. I find no pleasure in arguing with people, especially those that I love the most.

Thankfully, our premarital counselling is teaching us a lot about how to handle heated discussion in a manner that no one gets hurt and everyone is heard. We don't fight a lot but I know they will come every now and then. At least now I know that its OK to have differences and better to get them out than let them boil inside of you.

i also heard that make up sex will be the best sex...can't wait for married life!