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a long time coming

i cant remember the last time i wrote a blog post. so much has been going on in my life since the last time i wrote here. i got a new job, moved from brooklyn to the suburbs and even got engaged. yeah i know a lot of big changes. lucky for me i love change. i am one of those people who will rearrange a room every two weeks. for some reason seeing the same thing over and over again just doesn't cut it for me. when i was single living in brooklyn alone i would make something different for dinner every night. the feeling of change is orgasmic to me. i like change.

so im getting married. seems a bit far off for me. sounds crazy but i never say myself as a wife. i spent the better part of my early twenties convincing myself that i would never get married and now look where i am. scared shitless. dont get me wrong i love my fiance and look forward to being his wife. however, i have never been a wife before and only been in one relationship before him. i dont know how to do this.

i moved to the suburbs from the city and it is as if i have seen light for the first time. obviously there are differences between the two but it's just something special about increasing your quality of life when you just move 30 minutes outside of the city. since my experience has been very short so far i will wait until my 6 month mark to write a full blog post about it.

lastly, i got a new job. its going....good. its all still so new and i feel like its going to take me some time to get used to it. its my first publishing job and although im not screwing things up i do feel like i have a lot more to learn. but hey, thats why im there. to learn.

now im here. we are snowed in and had nothing to do. i really dont even know what i wanted to say when i came on here. i was actually editing videos for my YouTube channel. i super behind in videos. i left my tripod at my mother's house during the holidays. anyway, if you are still reading this by now kudos to you. you enjoy boring meaningless things. lol

i'll be back. sometime soon. i  will even set an alarm for myself to remember to write more often.

bye

THE shy EXTROVERT

I'm a shy extrovert.

On April 9, 2014, I was asked to speak at my graduate programs student appreciation dinner. Initially I felt very comfortable but as days got closer my nerves began to get the best of me. This feeling of nervousness to speak in front of a crowd was very unfamiliar to me. I am the oldest of four girls, own a YouTube channel and love conversing with people. Before tonight I honestly can't remember the last time I felt uncomfortable in a room full of people. Then I think about my life as it is now and things that have changed about me as a woman.

In college I was always a talker. Participated in poetry slams, always raised my hand for question and answer sessions and even took part in a hot dog eating contest. My world revolved around making people come together through smiles, love and laughter. If you ask my mom she would tell you that I came out the womb chatting with my doctor. So it's surprising to have the feeling of fear in my chest as I began to speak in front of my peers and guests at this dinner.

As the chair of my department began to announce me and my fellow classmate my heart literally raced in my chest. I mean I felt as though I were having a panic attack. I kept reaching for my glass of wine to calm my nerves but it didn't help. All I could do was stake deep breath and prepare for what could be the most embarrassing moment of my graduate career. As my classmate is speak I take out my note cards to make final adjustments. By the time I know it she is walking back to our table and my name is being called. I feel as though death is upon me and I can't for the life of me figure out why. Upon informing the group that I am extremely nervous and get halfway through my speech my nerves are calmed and I don't even use my prepared notes anymore. I can finally breathe and enjoy the view.

As always I question whether or not you guys get the point of what I am trying to say.

Not that it matters. I'm just opening my brain.

***excuse any typos***

A Thinker Vent

So I'm at work and I have absolutely nothing to do. Usually when this happens my mind races and starts to go into all kinds of directions. I will begin to over think things that don't need to be over thought, worry about things that need no worry and stress about something that isn't even worth it. This is all because I have this problem called "A Thinker". You see when the average person has about 2-5 thoughts running through their mind I have about 10-15. That's 10-15 complete thoughts in my mind at once. I have no clue how I juggle all of them but it seems to work out for me. At times I just want to relax and have a clear mind but that doesn't happen to often. I will literally try to not think about something. But thinking about that makes me think about other things and then I'm back to 10-15 thoughts. It's annoying! I feel like I have tried everything. I will even attempt to write my thoughts down, thinking maybe this will help alleviate some space in my mind. Then that empty space is filled with new thoughts. I need an off/on button for my brain. Maybe that will help. I'm not sure. Whatever I need to do I hope that I can come to some sort of conclusion quick.

Exercise Rant: 09-24-13

Sometimes songs can bring you out of a very annoying funk. Even if the song isn't meant to be inspirational it can make something inside if you spark and your whole attitude changes.

Lately I've been in a workout funk. I have had very little motivation and desire to workout. The days I did workout I forced myself to just to see if I could get out and it didn't work. During this time I had started at home workouts, Jillian Michael's 30 Day shred to be exact. The workout itself was great. I have no complaints about the results that I have been seeing. My only problem was that I didn't like being secluded from people. I am a full-blown gym lover. It's not the fact that there are a ton of machines and equipment, it's the people who I enjoyed being around. To be around everyone with the same energy motivated me. I also feel that at home workouts for me are an easy excuse for me not to workout. So after the second week I my in home workouts I started to get bored. So the workouts slowed down. I would come home and fun other things to do to keep me from working out. After some thought I realized what had me in a terrible funk. I missed the gym, that person to person interaction. Being surrounded by people who indirectly motivated me to workout.

Yesterday was the first day in three weeks that I went back to the gym. Just the simple act of packing my gym bag excite me. I got to the gym and immediately felt better and funkless. My go to workout that gets me pumped is a run. I have been running for the past three years and it's one of the things that makes me feel good about my body. I hit the treadmill, plugged in my iPod and hit play. I don't remember the first song that played but I do remember it not being hype enough. Then I remembered I had the new Katy Perry song Roar. Immediately after turning that on my body and kind reacted. That song made me remember why I love working out and what it does for me. Working out is not just about losing weight and getting fine. It's about the inner feeling that it gives me. That clean, free and nourishing feeling is what I loved so much. I could be upset, sad or even sexually frustrated and when I run every emotion goes away. That's what I was missing these past three weeks. I wasn't allowing myself to have that inner peace.

To Katy Perry and whoever else wrote that song, thank you.

i deserve

i deserve flowers on m doorstep
and coffee in the morning
i deserve notes left on my dashboard
and ice cream sundaes at 3am
i deserve honesty every day
and to be kissed every hour
i deserve to be reminded
how beautiful i am

~rephrased from StumbleUpon~

My Letter to Josh Marks

Josh,

Recently your name and face have been all over social media and I have to say that I initially found it very heartbreaking. Reading TMZ reports of a man who sounds nothing like the "gentle giant" I knew from college and the "fellow foodie" friend that I gained after. We weren't super close in college but we did have mutual friends, as our college was very small. Yesterday I read a news report of a video you did for Make a Sound Project, where you disclosed that you struggle with bipolar disorder. After reading that report and watching that short video my heart just melted. I was very shocked to find out that such a horrible mental disorder had attacked such a loving and kind spirited man. Over the past year you have blessed our Tougaloo family with your beautiful success in the food business. Just last summer you and I had dinner in DC, we had pizza and beer, and you told me about your experience during MasterChef. Although that was the last time we saw each other we still kept in contact through social media. I still followed for food life just like very other "JoshMarksCooks" fan. But what I want to say is that as a foodie friend, college classmate and sister in Christ I 100% support you during this time. I don't understand what it feel like to have bipolar disorder but I do understand what it feels like to be a sibling of someone who does. I'm not sure how long you have known about your disorder but I just want to tell you that there is a very beautiful rainbow to come at the end of this storm. I feel comfortable in knowing that you have the support of your entire Tougaloo family and thousands of people around the world. People who have grown to know and love you through your gifted hands and powerful appetite. I pray every night that God surrounds you and your family and that he reassures you that he has never left you and never will.

Sincerely,

Dominique Ingram aka NikkiGoesGlutenFree

Random Thoughts~ July 24, 2013

[youtube=http://youtu.be/JdLUoilEk98]

Ruby Blues

I started working at Ruby Tuesday when I was 16 years old. I started off as a special person greeter, a fancy name for a host. I was the youngest new addition to the Ruby family. My new family was a group of peculiar people. Soon I became one of them.

Night shifts in Ruby’s always held events, but it’s the day shift that brought some of the most interesting characters. There was an old lady who came in every day at 11 o’clock. She lady had to be in her late 50’s to early 60’s. She always wore a grey sweater, black slacks and orthopedic shoes. Her hair was often pinned up in the back, she sometimes she would wear it down, hanging softly past her shoulders. She reminded me of Rose from Titanic, she had a certain gracefulness about her. She sat in the same booth, and would wait if it wasn’t available. She would always order the same thing. First she would order a glass of white wine, she would tell me her order but didn’t want it until she finished her first drink. She would always order the steamed dumplings with extra peanut sauce on the side. Then, she would order another glass of wine to finish her meal. Her total would always come out to $12.75 and she would always tip $2. Her cheap tip never really mattered, because her presence was always welcomed. It was something about her that made the whole restaurant feel at ease. She stayed consistent with her appearance for a year, and then she disappeared. I never knew her name or where she was from. It was as if she were never there.

The customers weren’t the only characters that came in Ruby Tuesday, my co workers were the show stoppers. I worked with all different kinds of people, from different parts of the city. The main attraction was my manager named Allison. Allison was 6’2” with short stubby hair. She had a slight hunch back and always wore high water pants. Allison was a 26-year-old black woman from Denver, Colorado. She believed that she was a white woman, she treated her hair and skin as if she were. When she came to work you could tell that she just washed it and didn’t do anything to it. Some black girls just can’t wash their hair, put their finger through it and go. They need a comb, brush, grease, and sometimes something to hold it down. Allison never got the memo for how to do black hair. We would often remind her of her natural ethnicity but she would only decline the notion. Allison had a boyfriend that she called Dirt. After meeting him I quickly understood the meaning of the nickname. Dirt was a white guy around the same age as Allison. He had a really thick beard that went from his nose to down his neck. Allison was very protective over Dirt and always questioned anything someone said to him. Allison and I never got along. It would be days were we didn’t speak during a whole shift. It was always best that way.

Other than Allison, the people who I worked with were easy to get along with. There was a couple, Inez and Brama. Inez was from El Salvador and Brama was from Nigeria. This couple was proof that there is love for everyone in the world. Inez had a very strong personality and would let you know firsthand of meeting her. She meant well but it often came off the wrong way. For example, Brama is a very big flirt and will openly do so, even if it would piss Inez off. When I first started working there, Brama would make sure that he liked what he saw in me. I never paid attention to this 30 something year old man. Inez on the other hand felt differently. She would never say things directly to me but there was always animosity in the air whenever she came around. Eventually she came around to realize that I had no interest in Brama, it was all in innocent fun.

Working at Ruby Tuesday taught me a lot about the real world and what it can hold. I was introduced to the drug world, strip clubs, alcohol addictions, prostitution, and much more. On my eighteenth birthday my manager Laura, whom I’m much closer to than Allison, told me that she was going to take me to the strip club. An all female strip club at that, and too my surprise the fact that I was old enough to get in the strip club excited me. I was getting to the point in my life where age brought rewards.

Every Friday night a lady, I liked to call New York because she looked like the reality TV star, would come into the bar and always order a Long Island Ice Tea. She always sat in the same seat and always ordered Asian dumplings. (Asian dumplings were a hot menu item apparently)Then at least ten minutes after she sat down a strange man would come sit next to her. After a few drinks they would leave together. An hour would pass and she would come back and do that same thing three times, with three different men. I didn’t understand it then, but my others co workers soon explained to me that she was a prostitute.  I enjoyed being exposed to this world that I knew nothing about.

It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon and there aren’t too many people in the restaurant yet. A guy came in and asked if he could get something to drink. I told him that he could but he had to pay for it. He didn’t respond with a “no thank you” so I made the drink and gave it to him. I went to check on another table, came back to give him his check and he was gone. I looked outside past the patio and there he was talking to his crew. I went outside and asked him why he didn’t pay for his drink. He told me that he didn’t think he had to. I asked him a couple more times, but after the fifth time I gave up in him. I went inside and told Dean, the bartender, what was going on. I went to the kitchen and when I return to the front of the store I saw Dean out front arguing with the man. I guess the conversation got heated because the next thing I knew they were both going at each others throats. I guess the guy wasn’t stronger than Dean because Dean through him through the patio glass door.

I had never seen a real fight before, let alone with someone being thrown out the window. I was in total shock, and I didn’t expect for Dean to do all of that. The guy never paid the tab for the drink, it was only $2 for a soda. He didn’t he press charges either.  He never came back to Ruby Tuesday, and Dean remained working at Ruby’s. It’s like nothing ever happen, they just covered the door with hard plastic and keep moving on with the day.

I loved my times at Ruby Tuesday, it brought and took away some very important people in my life. I met my first long-term boyfriend there. The way that we met was really funny because I didn’t know that he was interested in me. He was Nigerian, but had a Caribbean accent. It was hard for me to understand what he as saying sometimes. So whenever he would talk to me my first response would often be, “Huh? What did you say?” We started talking in January 2008, everyone in the restaurant knew about it. It was no big secret. This relationship was blissful at the beginning but soon the Ruby blues would cause it to have some drama. Relationships in Ruby Tuesday don’t often last long, but some can stand the test of times. This just wasn't one of those relationships.

Because I Said So

There is always a moment in your life where you think, “Am I supposed to be thinking like this? Do other women go through the same shit as me?  Or am I just the one person that all the random, delusional, unfortunate shit happens to? If I told somebody this I wonder what they would think?” If you’re reading this and shaking your head like nope that never happens to me…you’re LYING. Everyone has those 15 seconds of “..WTF?! I can’t believe this is happening!!” But then there are some people who are afraid to say what’s going on, because of what someone may think. I think that’s one of our number one problem. We are afraid to say what we feel, think and sometimes do for the fear of what other’s may think. How do you know that there isn’t someone out there thinking the exact same thing you’re thinking? You don’t. So say it! Shout it! Sing it! Write it!

You may be thinking, so get to the point of your blog…yes it’s called about NoSexandTheCity and yes its a pun on Sex and the City, so what I like that show and movie. But let’s get something straight, my “love” life or hell life period is not as active as those women, but that doesn’t mean I can’t talk about it. So I will. And anything else I wish to talk about. That’s allowed. Right? Ehh whatever, just continue to read, maybe you’ll get to know me a little more. Maybe you will hit a revolution in your own life. I don’t know. What ever it is just enjoy it! Why you ask?

Because I Said So

nikki