the hunt

i feel that as americans we are always on the hunt.

no matter what part of our life we are in our minds are set on seek, conquer and kill (not as literally).

i live in new york city and everywhere i go there are people who are constantly on the move and thinking about the next. no one ever takes a moment to relax and just breathe.

i have found myself to slowly, or quickly become on of these people. someone who is always doing something. focusing on multiple things at once and always on the watch of someone else going after what i want.

i can be in the gym and if i am on the treadmill next to someone running at 5.0 mph i will bump mine up to 5.2 mph just because i dont want her to out run me. i dont even know that woman.

grocery shopping is a sport all its own. there is literally an apocalyptic scare every friday and everyone in the city is fighting for the last pint of strawberries at trader joes.

the trains are another issue. it is always crowded and people waiting to get on still seem to think that it is a good idea to crowd rush those getting off. you would think that after years of subway riding these people lunkheads would get it. but no. poor tourists.

and currently i am job hunting..shh..its a secret. but honestly who its always applying to jobs. however i feel like i am always checking job boards like an unwanted pregnancy test. and if i get an interview i stalk my email for a follow-up like as if its my instagram crush.

the point is, im tired of hunting and watching people hunt. the shit just gets old after a while.

A Thinker Vent

So I'm at work and I have absolutely nothing to do. Usually when this happens my mind races and starts to go into all kinds of directions. I will begin to over think things that don't need to be over thought, worry about things that need no worry and stress about something that isn't even worth it. This is all because I have this problem called "A Thinker". You see when the average person has about 2-5 thoughts running through their mind I have about 10-15. That's 10-15 complete thoughts in my mind at once. I have no clue how I juggle all of them but it seems to work out for me. At times I just want to relax and have a clear mind but that doesn't happen to often. I will literally try to not think about something. But thinking about that makes me think about other things and then I'm back to 10-15 thoughts. It's annoying! I feel like I have tried everything. I will even attempt to write my thoughts down, thinking maybe this will help alleviate some space in my mind. Then that empty space is filled with new thoughts. I need an off/on button for my brain. Maybe that will help. I'm not sure. Whatever I need to do I hope that I can come to some sort of conclusion quick.

For Freedom Not For Beauty

There’s a beauty that lives so deep inside each of us.

There’s a fickle eye that doesn’t believe anything it sees.

There’s a benefit in love that erases all doubt and believes good intentions.

There’s an ear that isn’t free enough to give the honest man the benefit of the doubt cluttered by lies not-mentioned.

Since when is creativity subject to criticism?

When is honesty subject to a jury of fears who wouldn’t believe rain if it fell, or sun if it shined?

Sometimes a flower grows when no ones watching.

Sometimes a bird sings and no one hears.

There’s a meadow no one runs on and a cloud no one names.

And what would the sky be with out the sun?

What would the earth be with out its rose?

They’d still be the sky and the Earth.

So perhaps there is a peace in becoming.

Perhaps the meaning is in the experience and not the sight.

Maybe a flower grows because it suffocates under ground.

Whether or not she is always noticed, beauty must become.

She doesn’t look for an eye.

She doesn’t listen for a voice.

She just becomes,

For Freedom Not For Beauty

-Chrisette Michele

I Just Don't Like Kids~NappyNikki Vlogs

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Bryant Park~May22, 2013

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This has to be my favorite park in the city so far. I try to go everyday as long as the weather is nice. When I'm here I pretend that I am  in sunny California. Just an hour or so of free thinking, pigeon watching and warm sun. If you ever visit NYC go to Bryant Park. I promise its worth it. I will make sure I take pictures of it at night next time, because it is just as beautiful.