circumsize your heart

snip whatever it is that’s keeping it from being used properly…

Reese's Replacement

About a year ago I met this guy while I was in AmeriCorps NCCC. Initially I didn’t even know who he was. I just knew that he was on the team of my team leaders boyfriend. We had done a few projects together and even worked side by side, yet I didn’t know who he was. And this is not because I was ignoring him it was just the fact that he was really quiet. I honestly don’t remember him ever saying a word, well not to me at least. Anyway, our teams went out to dinner once and we had a little conversation but nothing serious. What I did notice about him was his ability to make me laugh. 

Anyway, our teams had received new projects and so we didnt see each other for 2 months. But one day he contacts me and begins to show an interest in talking to me. He was very sweet about it, so my interest grew just as quickly. Our friendship quickly grew into a spiral of a mess. Good, great and bad. Being in AmeriCorps together created an understanding between the two of us. And like many AmeriCorps romances that develop while you’re serving, the length and actuality of it is never really clear. But for some reason I like to think the opposite.

Although our relationship is best just being friends, I know this person will always be apart of my life. Even more so now, because we will be living in the same city later this year. But he remains to be this person that I can trust. That I can be myself and look completely stupid and not feel embarrassed or ashamed. He is the friend that I can say what I really feel and not judge me. The friend that when I need to hear the truth he tells me. The friend that gets mad at me for something stupid I do, but doesn’t hold it against me. The friend that I hope to grow old with. So that one day we can look back on all of this and have a good laugh. 

The point is, humans always feel the need to quickly dismiss people from their lives, especially when things get tough. Its like they give up after one failure. We build up this mentality that we don’t need people in our lives. And that’s total BS. I don’t know what I would be without certain people in my life. I will never pretend like I don’t need someone. As humans we mentally and emotionally need the comfort of other to get by. That’s that human nature. 

I have grown to love this person for more than what he shows me and what others may say about him. I love him because of what I know he can amount to. The man that he is growing in to. One that has a good heart and sweet soul. But he knows…

if youre a goof, im a goof

nikki

ITS NOT ABOUT BEING skinny

Over the past year and a half I have changed my lifestyle in many ways. First, one that I cannot control is that I was diagnosed with Celiacs Disease, that forces me to change everything that I eat. But as far as exercise and being active goes that’s nothing new. I have always been an active person. I’ve never been known to just sit on my ass. But what I want people to understand is that, this new lifestyle that I have chosen for myself is not to get to a certain weight or to get skinny. Its not to impress someone. Its not for any particular event or outfit. I do this for my health. This is not some get skinny quick scheme then in a few months I have to back track and start all over. It has taken me two years to make the progress that I have made. A the two years have not been easy. But like anything new it takes practice and persistence to see results. 

I was happy and confident at 230lbs, but I wasn’t healthy. Now, 52 lbs lighter,I’m happy, confident and most importantly HEALTHY. I think people forget about the important health factors that humans are faced with. There is diabetes, heart disease, lung disease, cancer, ulcers, tumors, hypertension, and thyroid problems that run in my family. Many of my family members and and other people that I know that die at an early age or have to live a very medicated life due to these very distinct diseases. I even have friends my age who are diagnosed with some of these same diseases and of course they can be genetic  but a lot of the times its due to poor eating and lack of physical activity. And its not always people that are to be considered medically overweight, obese, or morbidly obese. These things can and do happen to people who are “naturally skinny”.

That’s why its important to become aware of these things. Not obsessed. Educated yourself on nutrition and how to become physically active. All it really takes is that first introduction to a healthy lifestyle. Trust me once you start to feel good on the inside and out, once you start seeing changes in your body that will be all the motivation you need.

I don’t want to come off as ungrateful for the compliments that I have been receiving, because I am grateful.

I’m getting really tired of talking about this and it will take me much longer to talk about whats important than this post.  

be happy, be healthy…

nikki

im telling you cause you wanna know

so i work out like any other young active adult. and one of my main workout areas that i want to improve is my booty. by no means am i lacking in the booty department, i just want to make it better. anyway, ive been trying new workouts (zumba specifically) and i would just like to report that booty is getting right. yes its nice to have a booty but to have a firm booty, just makes you feel good. i won’t go into explicit details, but im just saying. 

im happy with my progress…

nikki

Make Yourself Seem More Available

WHAT IN THE HELL DOES THIS MEAN?!

So I reacted a little crazy to that, but I mean come on. What does that even mean? To make myself seem more available. Should I be wearing a sign that says I’m available? Should I put that as my FB status or tweet it every now and then? That has to be one of the most vague and unnecessary statements anyone has ever made to me. And when they said it, I think I gave them that same response. I actually didn’t want to hear what they had to say, I just forgot about it and went on about my business. Or so I thought. 

I found myself thinking about that statement a few days later and still I had no answer to it. To my knowledge I thought I did come off as available. I believe that I give off the “I’m Single.” vibe. I also believe that I have a lot of availability qualities going for myself. I’m a college grad, very active, huge people person, I don’t have anything/ anyone tying me down (i.e. kids, super busy job, family, etc.) and on top of everything I like to believe that I have some great things coming to in the near future. So why am I still single people wonder. That’s just a question that I can’t answer and don’t feel like I have to. 

To make things a bit more interesting someone, a male, said to me a while ago that I need to date more often. Now I could have given that person an ear full of four letter words. But instead I said, “You do realize that a decision like that is not up to me to decide. I actually have to be asked out by someone, in order to date more.” I think some men forget that little fact. By the way I use the word more very loosely, because quite frankly I don’t date at all. The hilarious part about all of this is that, none of this bothers me. It bothers others. Yes, other people get uncomfortable by that fact that I don’t date. Crazy, right?

After thinking about that statement I started to think if I had ever asked a guy out. Since I did say that the only way for me to go on a date was for someone to ask me out. It reminded me of Guy from “I Just Want Some Booty Part 1”. I remember one day I got off work early, around the time he did and suggested that we go get some drinks. I thought it was a good idea since he always talked about us doing things together. But he surprisingly turned me down. Well, he actually said, “No thank you, but I would love to go out with you some other time.” (which never happened by the way) That right there was my cue to leave it alone. 

Whether I’m being asked out or I’m doing the asking it seems that something is missing in the equation. Cause either way I’m still without a date. But back to the topic at hand, I still don’t have a solution on making myself seem more available. But honestly I think I’m doing a pretty good job with whatever it is that I am doing. If the men that I come in contact with find that I’m not what they are looking for then there is no need to force a connection. And if the people in my life who feel that I don’t do enough to put myself out there then they’ll get over it. I can’t live my life for others and their happiness. If I did that I would be one unhappy chick. And I really don’t have time to be unhappy. 

The point is that I can only be myself. I won’t change over night and I won’t change just to make someone interested in me. I’m very confident in who I am and where I’m going. I’m also confident that there is a man who will be just as confident in me as I am in myself. 

So to anyone who thinks that I’m not doing enough and I need to make myself seem more available…chill out please and have a cupcake. 

nikki