Living Up to Your Parents Expectations

My mom and I in 2007

Often times parents raise their children so that they can be better than they were and have a better life. We as children don't have the opportunity to choose our parents or even decide how we will be raised. As a child my mom would always warn me to do better than she did and not make the same mistakes.

Hearing that so often made me feel as if whatever I was doing wasn't good enough. I got good grades in school but did she want great? l worked several jobs but should there have been more? I helped With my sisters but was I not good role model? Those were the thoughts I had as a kid. Not so much my thoughts now, Now, I try my hardest to give my sisters advice that they can use and learn from my experiences. Usually they don't listen but i still try,

My mom was a single parent of four girls and started having children at a very young age. That is something I will always respect her for, because to this day I have no clue how she put up with me and my sisters. As the oldest sister I had a lot of responsibility and many times I felt that I wouldn't live up to the standards that she had for me. Most times I would get "The Talk" from my mom I would sit and think, "How in the world am I going to keep up with all these thing?" In the same mindset I would try to figure out how I can live up to my own expectations. At one point I just gave in and forgot about what I wanted in life.

Now, as an adult I still wonder if I am living up to my mothers expectations. Although I have never asked her what she expects from me, I wonder if I am where she dreamed of. I make it a point to keep in mind if my mom would be happy with decisions that I make. I'm not saying that I have never done anything that will make her unhappy but I still think about how she will feel.

I find it very difficult to balance pleasing your parents and pleasing yourself. I find it even harder to choose between the two. Now, in my life I am learning to choose my happiness over others, even my parents. It's not that I don't want to please my mother it's just that I know if I am not happy within myself I can be happy for others around me. Everything that I do has to be for the benefit for me and the life that I live. The life that I am not only living for myself but also my future family.

Living up to your parents expectations can be scary but I believe it takes a strong person to stand up those expectations when they don't fit into their life. If a parents respects their child and the growth that they will experience they will respect that resistance and support them.

One thing that I love abut my mom is that she has always supported me, even when she didn't agree with that my decision was. We don't always agree but we always make a way to understand where each other is coming from. 

Holy Cow, I'm Getting Married!!

Last September my life flipped upside down. Not in a bad way, but it definitely flipped. My boyfriend of a year and some change asked me to be his forever. Cliché I know but I like that mushy stuff. What surprised me the most, next to the actual proposal, was my reaction to the proposal. I laughed, a very awkward laugh. I always imagined that when that moment would happen in my life I would be crying so hard that snot would be running out my nose. However, my mind found comfort in laughter. I remember that night so clear, but I won't go into full detail now click the video here to hear the entire story:

I still laugh when I think about it. If you are a normal person you would be asking yourself,  "What in the world was so funny?" The proposal itself was beautiful,  well planned and executed. my laughter came from within myself.

Just two years before this all happened I was living in DC getting stood up by guys I met on OK Cupid (if you don't know what that is that's actually better for you). I had gotten to a point where marriage wasn't even a question. On top of all that months before I met my now fiancé I was heartbroken over a guy I was madly in live with and who could give two sticks about my feelings. So, to see myself in a relationship with a man that loved me and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me was just too much to handle. Don't get me wrong I knew then and still know now that I am the shit.  I had a lot going for myself and a lot to offer an man that would want to pursue me. After years of searching, crying and wondering what was I doing wrong I realized that I wasn't the problem. The men ( or boys) that I dealt with were the problem.  I was also trying to rush something that God wasn't ready to give me yet. Then, one day I met this tall, chocolate, quiet, Haitian man and everything changed. Everything that I was looking for in DC was right here in NY waiting for me.

Here we are almost two years later and I'm getting married. Something I had confirmed within myself that would never happen is happening in two months. I am excited to say the least and can't wait for the day to come. In two months I will be a married woman. Yeah, still not used to saying that yet.

I will keep you guys updated on what's happening and my journey to marriage. I hope you guys are ready for this ride because it will be a wild one!

Peace and Blessings

Dominique 

#DearMe / Advice to My Younger Self

Dear Teenage Dominique:

Me in 2006

You are probably sitting in your room thinking that life sucks. You work very hard to keep good grades in school. You spend long hours at a job that you somewhat like but you go anyway because you know that your family could use the extra money. You are internally dealing with a secret that you have been living with for years and don't know how to deal with it. You are probably wondering what your future is going to be like and will happiness ever find you.

Well, I have good news for you. Everything will turn out just fine. You will graduate high school and start college in the same year. You will make a ton of friends, some even lifelong, in college and will get to experience a normal young adult life. You will develop a strong sense of self worth, love and appreciation. You will make major decisions that will effect your life in the long run. You will travel the world, learn different cultures and languages. Everything you desire to happen in your life will happen and beyond what you could imagine.

So while you are worrying just know that with your faith and what God has in store for you everything will be possible. Just continue to believe in yourself and be sure to never stop just because someone else said that you couldn't do it.

Love always,

Future Dominique
xoxo

15 Ways to Get to Know Me Better

1) What do you think you can do but can’t? 

I really think I can dance like a professional dancer. Like in my head I can dance like Ciara, Chris Brown, MJ and even Beyonce. (Btw, that list was not in any particular order.) 

2) What’s a difficult word for you to pronounce? 

Umm, that's a fairly hard question being that I studied the English language, however if I had to chose it would be the word "ask". Sometimes I pronounce it like the word "ax". 

3) What are your favorite TV shows from your childhood?

Definitely I Love Lucy! I watched it all the time with my grandmother and has always been one of my favorite memories as a child. 

4) What are your virtues and vices?

Wow, this is getting deep. 

Virtues: Curiosity, Daring and Acceptance 

Vices: Fearfulness, Idleness and Liars 

5) What’s more important: love, fame, power, or money?

Love has always and will always be the most important. Without love, true love that is none of those other things will matter. 

6) If you could live in any era/time period, when would it be and why?

I would probably choose 70's. Mainly because I just love the flower power movement. 

7) If you had to redo your entire wardrobe with 2 stores, what would they be and why?

Haha, being that I don't shop that often and when I do it is mainly from two stores this is easy. Forever 21 and Old Navy. Both simple, affordable and accessible. 

8) Can you recall what you were doing a year ago on this day?

I can't even recall what I was doing yesterday. But If I think really hard, I would say at a job that I hated and probably job hunting. 

9) Do you have reoccurring dreams? If so, explain?

I have several but my most vivid one is one where I cam being held captive in this basement. I have no clothes on and I can tell that I have either been drugged or abused in some way. The room is always dark and smells of water and garbage. I never see or hear other people but I know they are there. For years I never escaped that dark room, however last year I had a dream that I escaped. Once that happened I didn't stay sleep long enough to know what happened next. I have yet to have that dream again.

10) What’s your horoscope?

I'm a Taurus. All I know about them is that they are stubborn, loving and hard workers. Other than that I know nothing about horoscopes. 

11) What does your dream bedroom look like?

OMG!! I love this question. Definitely, big bed with plush comforters and pillows. All white linen that is soft to the skin. I also want a bed that is huge, like so huge you can fit maybe 5-10 people on it. 

12) What position do you sleep in?

I start on my stomach and alternate between my sides and fetal. My stomach is the most comfortable though. 

13) What are your all time favorite films?

Love Jones, Lion King and anything Rom Com ish 

 14) What makeup are you currently wearing? 

None! Bare facing it! 

 15) Do you have neat handwriting? Show us! 

Sometimes, but it depends on how lazy I am. 

What is Becoming Woman?? New Blog

Hey!!

So I started a new blog! I'm so excited about it and what is in store.

I decided that I was outgrowing my Nappy Nikki blog (If you are not aware here is the link www.nappynikki.com). I needed something that would grow with me during the many changes that are going on in my life.

• I finished my Masters in Publishing! 
• I got engaged and will be a married woman very soon. Like very soon! 
• I moved from Brooklyn out to the suburbs and in a town that is 100% Jewish.
• I got a new job, pretty much my dream job in publishing.
• Lastly, I am in this odd process of making new friends in a new area and balancing my existing friendships. 

To some people these things may not seem difficult to manage. However, I tend to be a bit hard on myself and forget to take my time and focus more. I always have it in my mind that I have to be perfect and the best at everything. This time around things will be different. Instead of applying unnecessary pressure to myself I will focus on being the be me I can be. I will focus on becoming the woman God wants me to be and the woman that only I can compete with.

I welcome everyone to join in on the discussions by leaving your comments and questions under each post. I am open to advice and words of encouragement.

For this new blog I also want to develop consistency. There will be two blog posts every week. One on Sunday and the other Wednesday both releasing at noon EST.

I want to thank everyone for your continued support. This is the beginning of something great. I can feel it, I believe it and I know it will flourish!

Peace and Blessings

Dominique