Everyone has a fear, whether it’s of an animal, an idea, a person, or even the thought of something. People often refer to fear as false evidence appearing real. But is it really false? Is it possible to actually fear something that’s truth? Something that actually is in front of you every day and you lack the courage to confront it. I, like many others, have fears. But in this instance I’m not talking about animals or heights. I’m talking about the fear of being loved. It may sound uncommon, but I honestly feel like there is a such thing. I fear that I will never be unconditionally loved. And I don’t mean by family or friends, I mean by a man. I have contemplated this feeling and fear for a really long time. Questioning whether I am being melodramatic or if this is really how I feel. At this moment in my life I feel that’s possible. I have had about a handful of man friends in my life thus far, and only one of those was an actual “boyfriend/girlfriend” relationship. That relationship was 3 years ago. But not to dwell on that, I have not come to the realization that I will ever meet someone that will give me that unconditional love. Everyone deserves love that expects nothing in return. No one deserves to have never experienced that kind of love. I feel that every person I have had some sort of connection with that love or even compassion never existed. Is there supposed to be a person in your life that teaches you how to receive or spot unconditional love? If so, I’m still waiting on them to arrive.
I guess what I’m saying is that its hard to believe in something that I can’t see. Or even feel. But who knows what wind is going to blow my way. I’m young, I have plenty of time for “Mr. Right” to come along. But until then I’m just chilling.
While writing this I’m thinking, this sounds pretty depressing, but everything in life isn’t skittles and rainbows. (I hate skittles) But that’s the beautiful thing about life, if you’re blessed it allows you time to grow and overcome such fears.
Good thing I’m working to be more patient on things I can’t control.
peace,
nikki
You have plenty of time for "Mr. Right". God is still preparing both of you for each other; therefore, be patient.
ReplyDeleteI understand and totally agree. But I think every woman deserves the right to question that possibility. I also wish that I had a tiny peep hole to at least have an idea of what to expect.
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